Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem Review
Ah, what we've been waiting on since Alien 3
, Xenomorphs raising hell on Earth. Picking up directly where the first one left off, a PredAlien bursts out of the last Predator from Alien vs Predator and kills all the Predators on board somehow. The Predator ship is knocked out of orbit and quickly crash-lands outside a quiet and small Colorado town, leaving the Predators dead on impact. Facehuggers, which because plot demands it, the Predators have jarred up on-board with them, break out of the ship and scurry off along with the PredAlien. You know what happens next. Anyway, the Predator race sends a lone cleaner of sorts to cover up their existence on Earth, and the lone Predator is sent to eliminate the Xenomorphs before they destroy our helpless race. Anyway, because there's only going to be one Predator fighting a city full of Aliens, you know that if Wolf, the cleaner Predator, bites the dust it'll be against the big bad PredAlien in the final scenes.
How could this go wrong with such a strong potential plot? Even I don't know, but they sure **** it up.
To start, this movie is literally dark, its scenes are so horribly lit that watching the creatures combat themselves to the death is actually punishment. The pictures I chose to represent this movie are actually what eighty-five percent of the film looks like, it's not touched up in any way to look better than it actually is. Go ahead and try to make out what you are looking at, oh yeah it's a Predator, but can you actually see it? No? Thought so. Doesn't help that halfway into the movie, Wolf fights some Xenomorphs at the power plant and destroys the whole city's power, plunging them all into total blackness. Not only can you not actually see what the hell is happening on screen, you eventually don't even care, this movie's just too crappy.
The characters in this movie were probably created on ideas people in the production office had, who wrote down one sentencing describing a potential character onto tiny slips of paper, tossed them all in a hat, and walked into the casting office. The casting director then probably strolled down a line of people trying out to be in the movie, played eenie-meenie-miney-mo to decide who would be in the film, and had each of them take turns reaching into the bottom of the hat to find out what they were playing. The characters are ones you root for to die, and shrug indifferently at when they're the batter up.
Some of the human heroes of the movie include an incompetent cop, a whiny little schoolgirl and a military mom whose sole existence and inclusion in the movie was probably to pilot the helicopter the heroes escape the town in before it is nuked by thee government to contain the situation, a pathetic loser who can't ask out the girl he likes and his ex-con brother who just got out of prison and served time for an unspecified crime and just happens to be back in town, lovable jocks who love beating up nerds and anyone who dares to hit on their girls, and the typical stuck up girlfriend who dates the jock but finds interest in a random nobody during life-changing events among others. The characters are horribly characterized, and I know the movie is supposed to be epic by having tons of people to slaughter, but they treat the heroes that the movie follows around in the story the exact same way as the cannon-fodder.
None of the humans act or say anything that is unexpected of them. The acting in this film is god-awful too and the survivors are so damn retarded that they're all too stupid to live. A great example of this is when a handful of survivors fight their way to a hospital in search of a helicopter on the roof, and they encounter the Predator battling several Xenomorphs. A woman screams terrified and runs straight between the two toughest kids in the movie, who are actually paying the humans zero attention in this scene because they are busy fighting the other alien race. The Predator was at this very moment pulling out one of his fancy killing toys, and hurled his disc blade at the Xenomorph. However, because the chick ran in front of the Alien like a retard, she is promptly nailed by it instead and sent flying backwards against the wall where she is pinned and dangling lifeless with almost half her body ripped open.
Even the four people who manage to escape the town before it's nuked are too stupid to live in this film. The four remaining characters survive the film not because of fate, sheer brilliance on their part, cunning improvisation and survival skills, or because they ignored all the rules of what to not do in a horror film (they don't by the way), but because of sheer damn luck that each time they ran into major danger and all hope seemed lost, the Predator shows up to kick $$$, distracting the aliens from their prey.
The writing in the film is cringe-worthy and sometimes make you laugh out loud in disbelief. My favorite line comes late in the film, when the main group decides to split up, believing that the government isn't going to send help and will probably try to destroy the town to contain the outbreak of the Aliens parading all over town. A brainless woman finds no logic in what one of the characters has just suggested, and mindlessly comments "Why would the government
lie to us!?" It's laugh out loud worthy.
The special effects in the movie are decent in all honesty, the movie was directed by two brothers whose main expertise is specializing in that for a living, but they relied on way too much CGI in many scenes. Another con of the special effects is that because the movie is so dark you can't even enjoy one of the only things this movie did right, the gore and pathetic cannon-fodder cast dying as they struggle to survive. A lot of people found fault with the PG-13 rating of this film's predecessor including me, and this movie offers plenty of gore and explicit profanity for horror fans of the two warring species. The film goes a bit overboard with the extreme violence though, daring to have the PredAlien ravage a maternity ward among other places it journeys along in his misadventures.
The design of the Xenomorphs has been controversially redesigned to have things like a more ridged head, and have a somewhat different body build than ones seen in previous films. The Predator design is for the most part faithful to it's original design. The PredAlien looks wussy and really strange with its dreadlocks and for some reason likes to scurry around randomly and throat rape people, implanting live embryos into a living host for birthing. That's another thing, why the hell does the PredAlien do that? It's not like the facehugger that implanted the creature's original host was anything special, nor do the PredAliens do it in the crossover comic-book franchise.
Another thing brow-raising is the fact that the Xenomorphs spawn and grow to adult size way too damn fast. In the original films, it took characters days to gestate a chestburster. In Aliens vs Predator: Requiem
, chestbursters pop out of bodies in about ten minutes (there's even a woman in this movie who gives birth to at least three
, courtesy of Mr. PredAlien) and apparently all grow to adult size within hours, because the town is overrun with the beasties exponentially fast at an alarming rate.
The sound in the movie is great, complete with sounds coming straight from the archives of the original movies, like the squeal of an Alien in pain for example. The studio actually did a really good job with the sound. The music is nice and dark too.
The directing is really bad and painful to watch, even as a huge fan of both the Alien
franchises. While I was at least tolerant of the first AVP
I can't even stand this one. This film is just a ******* abomination child of the original critical darlings, inheriting none of the suspense, horror or thrills of any films in either series and has little charm to make do with.
Overall, terrible writing, hysterically bad acting by people who probably were taught in drama class by an ex-porn star, horrendously malignant lighting, uninspired characters with little to do in the movie other than show up to be killed off in a horribly brutal fashion, and little brains on how to execute anything correctly ultimately dooms this movie. With nothing redeeming about this movie, I have no choice but to award it an F
for **** Failure
Fans of Alien Series: F
Fans of Predator Series: D-
(For the fact that if they hate Xenomorphs they get to watch them get slaughtered by the Predator for an hour and a half.)