I begin my recap with this little... thing....
I'll order things later after I'm caught up on all the movies I want to see this year.
I'm going to just talk about movies in any order and rank them in the first post. y;
These aren't actual review reviews or I'd write more and go way more in depth. Mostly recap and my general thoughts on the film."Creature"
Honestly. **** this movie. I REALLY REALLY hated this movie. Let's start with the poster. When I first saw this at the local Regal walking down the hall I was mesmerized by the pure awfulness of it all. Looks like a terrible photoshop some kid rubbed his quack my stingray bloo with and soaked in urine for a few days.
The movie has Sid Haig, I love the guy. He's been in some really cool horror movies, The Devil's Rejects for one, so he's no stranger to the genre. He's basically the only person toting any serious star power in this movie. He had nothing to do though.
When I won free tickets I was amused, a b movie about a killer crocodile man in the Louisana swamps. Sounded like a good way to waste my night with my dad. I have family down there anyways and alligators are always nasty little things. Could this movie be an entertaining slasher monster flick despite it's low budget? I'd never even seen the trailer. The advertising for this movie was practically non-existent.
Starts out... unique as I'll put it. Some pasty ***** skinnier than the jews that escaped the holocaust strips off her clothes on the bayou banks and I'm like "Tits!!! Yessss. Ooooh.. Some *** now." This R rated film isn't holding back on the nudity. Yay. I'm so tired of all these watered down teen horror films. It's always time for a good old fashioned horror movie with plentiful blood and guts.
Then the naked ***** does the unexpected and leaps into the murky gator infested water. My dad and I look at each other completely puzzled. Neither of us would ever do that. Is that woman out of her mind? It's quite obvious they're going to pull a Jaws sort of thing where she'll get attacked from some hidden hungry beastie. Anyways needless to say, she dies. Can't say I pitied her, she didn't even have a name and did something so completely unbelievably stupid I didn't care at all about her.
From there it goes even more off the beaten path to cinema hell. The basic plot has a group of pretty something friends running around together, getting lost and deciding to search for a local cryptid known as Lockjaw. Basically the dude came from an inbred family and his inbred bride was taken by a white gator. He then goes crazy, kills and eats the gator and became a gator man... I... don't understand either... Anyways of course they run into some creepy locals. Some we obviously know are just filler characters doomed to be Creature Food to fill in gaps in the screenplay.
The acting on everyone was godawful... Basically there was some confusnig plot twist where a hero was part of the inbred family related to lockjaw and now they all bring women down there to sacrifice to make their inbred family prosper... The crazy inbred family cult also worships the creature for some ****ing reason... I really don't.. Oh.. Uggh it was so mind-numbingly bad it desensitized me to it all. There wasn't even any good deaths. I mean it had some blood, but not as much as you'd expect for a killer gator man.
A lot of the script was so awfully bad it made me giggle and the audience was often LAUGHING HARD at it... Like when the inbred man was screaming for his lost pregnant love and covered in blood, the fact everyone was laughing at him not out of pity but the sheer sight of it is a testimony to the quality of this drivel.
This horror movie had no thrills at all and as a tribute to B-Movies sucked too. The B-Movies this is lovingly "inspired" by are way better than this.
The best killer gator movie out there is the 80's b movie "Alligator". Please just go watch that. It was way better than this shit. I even LIKED that one.
The ending to this movie made no sense at all either and was basically a big middle finger with unexplained twists popping up and certain characters escaping completely unavoidable deaths. NOTHING redeeming at all. One of the worst movies I've ever seen in a theater. You're a sucker if you pay for this crap.
How I Saw It: Free in Theaters
Grade: F for **** Your God