Title: Godzilla
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi monster action/violence.
Release: May 19, 1998


Back in the day I was a huge Godzilla fanboy. I still am and I just love seeing the giant lizard beat the crap out of other kaiju while destroying buildings and killing innocent people. It’s just good fun. So naturally when I heard about an American remake I was so excited. The trailer antagonized us with only brief glimpses of portions of the creature. This marketing strategy would later be used for the remake of “War of the Worlds” and “Cloverfield”.

However when this movie came out it was immediately met with a bombardment of critics trashing it. I was hurt. I assumed that they were all being mean to poor “Godzilla” for two reasons. It’s a remake and it can’t possibly be better than the original. The other was that Godzilla is a series of B movies starring a guy in a lizard suit. So when I saw it I was being quite ignorant of the negative word of mouth. I should have listened. It was horrible.

This awful film is brought to us by Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin. However this time they have stolen Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, and most of the cast of The Simpsons to star in this monster-sized piece of garbage.

The plot is that the French have been experimenting with nuclear weapons in the Philippines. Of course something mutates and becomes our friend Godzilla. However we don’t like this Godzilla and I’ll go into why later. Anyway the French go on a search to find it and kill it to cover up the tests but before they can do so it ends up in New York City. Of course it’s a big city. Nothing would be better than a huge playground filled with iconic landmarks eh? How clich�d. It's amazing how many landmarks they managed to cram into one feature film. Anyway of course it’s all hell on Earth and we are treated to about ten minutes of destruction where we see maybe forty percent of the creature at a time, most specifically Zilla's feet, crotch and tail. And then it disappears for a bunch of the movie.


After it disappears we’re stuck with a bunch of boring, totally, unlikable characters. None of which minus a select few have any characterization at all. And the writers obviously scraped the bottom of the barrel because our heroes have little to no personality, two are even petty plays on film critics Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel. And we could actually care less if they succeed in stopping the monster from destroying their city. So by the end of the movie we get the delight and honored privilege of seeing the US Military and Navy in all of their power and immense weaponry fail to destroy Zilla. Instead of course it’s a bunch of unlikable losers who do that.

The creature has no spirit of Godzilla. The only thing that one can use to actually identify him as inspired by it is that it’s a giant lizard, has spikes on it’s back, and it’s roar is identical. And that’s all. It doesn’t even have Godzilla’s fire breath or kick-$$$ persona. This monster for it’s size is nothing more than a giant wuss. This kaiju is only a frightened and lost animal fighting to survive. It only kills and destroys things while lumbering around mindlessly and there is nothing to point out that it is intentional. For most of the movie it is hiding from the military and partaking in an odd obsession with fish, because he's a mummy now.

Yes you see while in older movies Godzilla had a son, Minya, whose existence was never really explained, here we learn that this Godzilla has been pregnant since the start of the movie and has illegally crossed United States waters to have her babies on American soil. So any time it actually seems to attack our "heroes", it isn't being a dumb mindless beast, it's being a dumb mindless beast that's a protective mother.


The real Godzilla would be marching around the city destroying things just because they exist and if it met opposition, swiftly destroy them with ease. The creature design of the new Godzilla is an abomination nothing like Godzilla At first I thought maybe it would grow on me as Godzilla's "new Americanized look". Looking back on it eleven years later it definitely hasn't. I want the same one I know and adore. Although to be honest Zilla's design is rather cool on it's own.

There are so many errors in this film it’s antagonizing to even sit though this. It's clear they didn't have this movie in the editing room for very long. One of the most obvious errors is the never ending changes in Zilla’s size.

The writing in Godzilla is like something that one could easily find in lower class fan fiction. The poor actors struggle painfully to act in such goofy situations. They do the best that they can with the material they have but it’s so cheesy and the dialogue so vile not even an army of baby Zillas can save this mess. And in the end the only actors I think I can honestly praise without torturing my soul over it would be Hank Azaria and Jean Reno's characters. The rest of the cast seem to overact or just give in to the terrible direction that they experienced from Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin.

The special effects on this big budget blockbuster are for the most greatly disappointing and stale. Only a few shots are visually impressive. To see a shot of a fake looking lizard in the late nineties is unintentionally funny when you realize you were supposed to believe it was real. I mean even special effects from epic blockbusters such as Jurassic Park and Terminator 2: Judgment Day are still jaw dropping today. Just seeing a foot go down on top of Hank Azaria and him escaping because he somehow “was in between Zilla’s toe” is hysterically funny. The special effects weren't that good back then and the little respect I had for them in 1998 has dwindled.


The original “Gojira” is over ten times surplus superior to “Godzilla” and it’s a shame to say that this movie sucks. I mean how hard is it to make a cool Godzilla movie? If you’re a Godzilla fan you will hate this film and by the end of it be calling this Godzilla the worst Godzilla movie ever. However if it makes you feel any better I can offer some support. Toho has disowned being involved in this film and calls the creature “Zilla”. If you’re not a fan of the series you’ll like it a lot better than extreme fans of the original material but you will still find it a monster mess.

Note of advice to the director, Roland Emmerich. Never give your heroes weird nicknames such as "Worm Guy" and "Animal". I mean seriously what the heck were you thinking?

Grade: D+
Godzilla Fans: F

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I'd watch this at a dollar theater, like I did back in the day. But I'm still grudgingly pissed off at Emmerich and Devlin for making this trash. It's such an insult to the original. This movie made me sad. At about age 7-8 I KNEW disappointment. Btw extra points off for the fact that the film doesn't have the kickass Godzilla theme song anywhere in the film. =|

Maybe someday Japan will give us another actual Godzilla movie.

We did get that cool brawling game back when the Gamecube first came out.

I actually liked this as a movie, just not as a Godzilla movie.

Of course nostalgia and what not helps its case. Its not a Godzilla movie, but its at least entertaining.

I actually liked this as a movie, just not as a Godzilla movie.

Of course nostalgia and what not helps its case. Its not a Godzilla movie, but its at least entertaining.

Is this the one where the army repeatedly manages to lose track of the giant monster rampaging through a city? Cause if it is, I don't remember Godzilla being able to teleport.

YES!! THAT'S THE ONE, T_L. @_@

Wikipedia tells me it got a sequel in the form of a cartoon

You never saw it?

It actually was okay.

the cartoon was eh. Compared to the film it was based off of, it was fantastic though.

Things they fixed.

*Godzilla now fights monsters *mostly lame ones, but whatever*
*Godzilla has a beam breath power.
*Godzilla's size is consistent and no longer constantly changing.

Bad things

*Several of the awfully lame human heroes return. (humans were never a strong point in the series but still lol*
*It's a Zilla.