For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.

Plot: Beginning right where it's predecessor by Mega10 left off, the brave trio of Megabuddies return back to base and discover that they have a copy of their beloved N64 game, Gbleek's Magical Pony Adventure, but their N64 is destroyed and that their game is thus unplayable. Cajun, Crimson and Gbleek take off on a new adventure back to Wal-Mart to get a new N64. It was supposed to be a quick in and out job. It went wrong. Horribly... horribly wrong.

Subplots: Geo constantly tries to murder Tom for destroying one of his DVDS and then goes on a quest to find a replacement.

Brad is captured by carnies and transformed into a humanoid Fox to become the final freak needed to complete their freak show. He escapes and has an epic destiny and cool crap and even meets his spirit animal.

A brood of demonic toys is adopted by Belbell and is unknown to be evil by anyone except for Nathan. They commit a series of murders.

Future Chapter link Edit

*some groovy fan art by ZF =D*

ZF's pic. *was making the page too big =\ XD*

from left to right:Nathan, Gbleek, Simian, ZF, Mega/Crimson, Cajun, and Soma. If you look around you can easily find some other references to the story.

*some awesome fan art by Mega =D*



Shadow = bottom right going <_>, Geo in back with cart, ZF with golf club, Cajun with Kaiju shirt, Crimson with pot on her head, Bleek is left of ZF, Simian is right of me, Cyclone sticking head out from 5 dollar bin, T_L crawling out from behind 5 dollar bin, not sure about others yet.

Cajun as himself

Mega as Crimson (her vampire/not vampire persona) ---- A girl who was raised by vampires and thus thinks she is a vampire. She is the leader of the Megabuddies and loved by all. She is one of the original trio to venture into Wal-Mart in the first story. She is rude and obnoxious yet extremely helpful and confused. She's very conflicted... At times she questions her vampireness due to things that contradict your stereotyped vampire. Crimson is also very weird and rather unpredictable, but in the strange or helpful way.

Gbleek as himself.
BradHummr as himself.
Simian as himself.
ZF as himself.

Belbell as herself. ----- A girl that is dating Nathan. She is a rather controlling girlfriend and because her boyfriend is a pushover she rather enjoys her relationship since she always gets her way. She is easily offended by things and can't take a lot of jokes. She is also very oblivious to her surroundings when in the presence of things she finds adorable such as the Furbies she adopts in the story or clothes for example. She is basically a pre-madonna and will throw fits if upset. She even sides with evil furbies over her boyfriend when he asks her to pick one or the other. She is also VERY defensive of her friends, especially her adopted children, a brood of demonic Furbies. She has a close friendship with ZF.

Hairybulborb as himself (Nathan) ------ A boy that is dating Belbell. Nathan is a pushover and cowardly. He is very whiny and is often ignored because of this, even when he has something important to say.

Geo as himself. ------ A boy that seems borderline homosexual or just mentally deranged. He loves the High School Musical films and everything that guys are supposed to hate. He is very materialistic and vengeful if things should happen to his possessions. Throughout the story he hunts Tom for breaking his HSM3 DVD. He seems very mindless on everything else when he concentrates on a goal, a weakness and character flaw that may ultimately lead to his demise.

myusername as himself (Tom)
Laclipsey as himself

The Martyr as himself (Shadow, a previous account) --- One of the newer recruits. How he passed the strict application process is a mystery to all but word is he cheated because he was desperate to hang out with his idol and crush Crimson more often. Shadow is a wimpy boy who is infatuated with Crimson. He's more of a act now think later kind of person who rushes into things unprepared. He is a member of a club at MB about finding out where Elvis is, since apparently he ain't dead... Shadow is very easily intimidated by people and the threat of violence and bodily harm. He's quick to talk if the act of doing so will help the art of self preservation. He will do anything to protect the leader even if his actions have basically no affect at all. He's OBSESSED, like the chick in Fatal Attraction. He is often trying to impress Crimson so that she will date him. He is willing to sacrifice anything for the leader's survival, even friendships...

Kitchensink as himself
Bloogoo as himself
Soma as herself
AFL as himself

Triforce_Luigi as himself (T_L) ----- Although introduced late in the story he plays a VERY pivotal role in the salvation of the Megabuddies stranded at the Wal-Mart. He is an expert on being awesome and good, good like Sideswipe. His job at MB is to mold the new recruits into being awesome in his image and until their apprenticeship is over they are his minions who must do his bidding. T_L is extremely stressed and even has a secret drinking habit. He's also a licensed helicopter pilot. He is street smart and extremely sarcastic yet serious at the same time. He is prone to sudden mood swings like Crimson.

Once upon a time, there was a store. The store was famous—Walmart. It claimed to have everything, and everyday low prices. Seeing the opportunity to get things for a cheap price the Megabuddies all contemplated going to the store—the magical store, a land of low prices.

Gbleek threw down his N64 controller, he had been playing Gbleek’s Magical Pony Adventure for hours without rest.

“Urgh!” He exclaimed in frustration, “I can’t beat Night-Mare!”

Cajun promptly threw a book at the wrong person and hit the leader’s pet known as Evul. Evul was obviously either dead or sleeping though because he didn’t respond. Cajun shook his fist and returned to watching his movie when the evil leader of doom yet totally nice cool run on sentence appeared. She was a vampire who had recently been renamed Crimson due to her inability to properly delete her own account.

“Crimson can you beat Night-Mare?” Gbleek asked, pointing at his treasured game.

Crimson headed over to the N64 but tripped over Evul before getting there. Evul still didn’t move—maybe he was dead. Crimson got up and kicked Evul.

“Big stupid fish, vampire, freak of nature creature.” She mumbled as she made her way to the game.

Gbleek watched in horror as Crimson hit Power off on the system and stared at the screen blankly waiting for it to load.

“Noooooo!!!!!” He cried, “Miss Pony!!!!!!!! I was THIS close to saving you!!” He hugged the TV.

“CURSES!” Crimson shouted and kicked the N64, “Work you piece of junk! You dare defy me?! FEEL MY WRATH!!!” She began rapidly kicking the system while Gbleek pleaded for its safety.

Evul finally woke up and walked over to the system and ate it.

“Well that solved the problem.” Crimson stated.

Gbleek was sobbing, still clutching the TV. Cajun leapt from his chair and landed dramatically in the room.

“Don’t worry! We can go to WALMART! Everyday low prices! Always!”

“Can I get a new copy of Magical Pony Adventure?” Gbleek asked.

“YES!” Cajun replied triumphantly.

Crimson was watching her pet chase around one of the other admins outside.

“Hey look! Evul is eating Nathan again!” She exclaimed happily.

With all this said they journeyed to Walmart. It was like entering a new world. A blast of cold air hit them once they entered the door. Crimson assumed a battle stance even though she never fought, Gbleek dashed to the game section and Cajun ran into Crimson, knocking her through the door.

“I sense…HUMANS.” Crimson said, her eyes narrowed as she stared at the rows of people walking around like ants.

“Me too.” Cajun replied.

“You DO NOT!” Crimson protested, “You do not have awesome vampire-like skills of sensibility!”

“……”

“Yeah that’s what I thought, inferior.” She glanced around, noticing Gbleek was gone, “NOO!!! GBLEEK!!!!!! CAJUN! WE MUST RESCUE HIM FROM THE HUMANS!!”

“He’s a human you know…I’m a human…we’re ALL humans…”

“I’m not a human!” Crimson replied, “I am…a VAMPIRE!!!” She gave her most impressive evil impression then ran off in search of Gbleek.

Cajun shrugged and followed sliding to a stop behind the over dramatic Crimson who had paused disgusted by something before her. There it stood, five and a half foot tall--employee.

“ZOMBIE!!!” Crimson shouted and darted around the corner, “Hurry Cajun! Before it sucks your blood!”

“Vampires do the blood sucking.” Cajun reminded, “Zombies eat your brains and stuff.”

“CORRECT! I was just testing your knowledge.” Crimson replied as she looked around the corner at the weary employee in desperate need of coffee. Much to her horror, Gbleek was approaching him.

“STOP!” She shouted as she hopped into view, armed with a $1 DVD.

The employee yawned and looked to Gbleek. Crimson sprung into action—taking off the other direction to save herself. Cajun attempted to rescue Gbleek but was detoured by a video selection. Gbleek led the employee to the case where Gbleek’s Magical Pony Adventure was kept and got his copy, paid for it and was happily on his way, he and Cajun met back up with Crimson who was at a counter.

“I DEMAND an Evil European Army!!!” She shouted, “OR ELSE!!!”

“We don’t have any.” He repeated.

“That’s it! Bring in the torture devices!”

“What torture devices?” Cajun asked.

“THE torture devices!”

“LEAVE!” The helpless Walmart employee shouted, “Or I’m callin’ the cops!”

“I’m callin’ the Evul!” Crimson warned.

“Ooooh you better give her the Army.” Gbleek informed.

“What’s the evul?” The employee asked as he picked up the phone and ordered a pizza and called the police.

By the time he was off the phone, Crimson, Cajun and Gbleek had vanished, a crowd of employees randomly chasing them.

“Hurry!” Crimson shouted, “Grab a weapon!!”

“But we’re in the freakin’ toy aisle!” Cajun shouted.

“G.I. Joe! All American Hero!” Gbleek sang as he grabbed a G.I. Joe. Crimson grabbed a fully articulated Star Wars figure and Cajun grabbed a plastic dinosaur. As the employees neared their location, they realized they were trapped. Gbleek tucked G.I. Joe in his pocket.

“Move out, soldier!” He shouted as he slid under the employees.

Cajun hit one of the employees in the head with the dinosaur and he and Crimson narrowly got through.

“To the Sporting Goods!” Gbleek shouted.

Crimson and Cajun did so, employees appearing everywhere. They hit a dead end.

“Why’d we go this way?!” Crimson demanded.

“I wanted to see the hunting knives.” Gbleek stated as he looked at a glass case.

It seemed as if all were hopeless—they were going to be caught, perhaps tortured by the humans. Suddenly Crimson remembered she had the star wars action figure.

“Of course!” She exclaimed, “The Force! OH GRANT ME THY POWER-STUFF, FORCE!” She held the action figure high but nothing happened.

“Stupid cheap rip off.” She replied throwing it to the ground, “I MUST SUMMON HELP!!!”

“AH!!! They’re taking G.I. JOE!!!” Gbleek exclaimed, as he fought with an employee.

Cajun had made a run for it and had been tackled. Crimson dodged an employee narrowly. Gbleek kicked the employee away from himself and dramatically crawled towards the center.

“We’ll never make it, Crimson! You must….G-MOD!!!”

The thought had never occurred to Crimson.

“OF COURSE!!” She exclaimed.

She quickly used her g-mod skills to save Cajun and nullify all the attacks by the bewildered employees. But then they called in the anti-g-mod model. Crimson’s mom!

“CURSES! RUN!!!!” Crimson shouted.

They all ran as fast as they could. Crimson’s mom only feet behind, her face red from screaming.

“Don’t look back!!” Cajun shouted, “That’s when they always get you!!”

Gbleek held his game tightly as he ran. Crimson’s mom grabbed at the Megabuddies, missing them by centimeters. But of course, a stupid girl has to trip and fall—close encounter/death all that good stuff. Crimson fell on apparently nothing and Gbleek and Cajun watched in horror as Crimson’s mom snatched her arm and laughed manically.

“NO! LEADER!” Cajun shouted.

“She’s dead…there’s no hope.” Gbleek sighed.

“Save yourself!!!” Crimson shouted.

Suddenly Cajun remembered a weakness, “Mrs. Crimson’s mom! Look! A sale!”

Crimson’s mom darted off in the direction of the sale, waving her arms manically and knocking down people in her path demanding she get some of the product.

Crimson rejoined her group and escaped Walmart and death. They never looked back until they got to base. That day they learned, Walmart was EVIL. And the home of Crimson’s mother, the most deadly force in the world.

The End

Unknown to the Megabuddies an unseen factor was about to come into play after their nail biting escape from their local Wal-Mart. It had been easily overlooked, forgotten, and their epiphany of it’s existence was about to drive a stake of immense fear into their very hearts…It would be life changing… They would already be plagued with nightmares for weeks to come of employees dressed in blue vests running after them. This would make the weeks to come even more unbearable…


The trio finally arrived back at base. Gbleek, eager with anticipation of saving Miss Pony in “Gbleek’s Magical Pony Adventure”, gnawed off the shrink wrap encasing his coveted new copy of his beloved video game. Gbleek made a dash for the living room opening the box as he ran, as if each precious second ticking by meant life or death. He leaped into the air and as he did so tore the cartridge out of it’s weak cardboard box mid air. Landing he slammed the cartridge down for where the Nintendo 64 was usually kept. He gasped as he landed on hardwood flooring and coughed.

“Where’s the damn 64?” he gasped starting to hyperventilate.

Cajun and Crimson walked in and stared at him. Gbleek was crouched with his arms on his head in the fetal position rocking back and forth… Suddenly it hit him. Gbleek muttered the two syllables in Evul’s name and shook him back and forth violently.

“Give it… Now! I want the damn 64 back and I want it now!” he screeched.

Evul stared at him quite bored and yawned. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

Cajun and Crimson gasped in horror and leaped at Evul. They did NOT want to have to go back to Walmart to get a new 64.

“Oh dear God… Will Banjo and Kazooie ever team up again? How will we ever play Banjo? Will life ever be worth living without a 64?”Or that game you obsess over Gbleek?” cried Cajun his face contorting with building rage.

“Oh no... I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna go back! Give it up Evul!” screamed Crimson bopping Evul on the nose.

Evul pouted sternly then said “NO!” and crossed his arms.

“Get a knife. We’ll cut him open! We have to get it out!” said Cajun desperate.

Gbleek happily obliged and scurried into the kitchen leaping over the furniture sprawled all over the base.

Suddenly a muffled voice said “Cajun? Is that you man? Thank god you’re here! I thought I was a goner! Help me out of here! There’s only one exit and it’s not really ideal… I don’t like it in here! It’s dark, damp, and the walls keep dripping a weird liquid! And I feel all nasty and really want to take a shower!”

“Everybody act like we don’t hear Nathan.” whispered Cajun only interested in finding the 64.

Crimson took the knife from Gbleek when he returned and was about to slice open Evul’s belly when Evul suddenly realized the predicament he was in. Suddenly he opened the window and pointed outside at a huge steaming pile of poo sitting on the front lawn. He laughed evilly and nodded his head grinning.

Gbleek and Cajun looked outside and saw it.

“Aw *!@!” said Cajun jumping through the glass of the nearest window.

Gbleek rather than jump through the same window as Cajun jumped through a different one – seeing as to how he would probably never have a good chance to break things without being yelled at. Crimson stayed inside and watched the two MB’s assess the situation.

“Nooo! Oh dear god!” screamed Gbleek looking at at it as more and more flies landed on it.

“There’s nothing we can do for it… We were too late. We have to go back… We need a new 64!” said Cajun trembling.

For a brief out of character moment for the two, both Gbleek and Cajun hugged, both mourning the loss of one of their favorite gaming systems. They both sobbed devastated.

“I’ll get a shovel Gbleek. You go on in and tell Crimson we have to go back…” said Cajun wiping a tear from his face.

“No Cajun… I’ll do it… It was my 64…” said Gbleek with a steady stream of tears flowing down the sides of his face in a scene eerily similar to Old Yeller but about a video gaming console.

“Ok.” said Cajun leaving Gbleek to bury their Nintendo.

Crimson saw them coming back and started jumping up and down excitedly.

“Well… How is it?” she asked hopefully.

“Crimson… It’s gone… It can’t be salvaged… And while we were outside we both agreed we didn’t want it anymore… I guess we could use the not having a 64 status to get a new see through color 64. And I HATE you Evul.” said Cajun having a nervous breakdown.

“Oh… I don’t wanna go back! We barely escaped the greeters last time!” said Crimson stuttering in horror.

“We have to Crimson! You know videogames are essential to everyday life of the American young adult!” coaxed Cajun scared to death himself at the thought of returning to Wal-Mart.

“Ok Cajun. But we’re going in prepared.”

At that moment Gbleek climbed back inside the house through the window and looked Crimson in the eye. He wiped his wet red face with his t-shirt and said with great difficulty.

“My Nintendo 64 is DEAD!” he broke out before leaping onto Evul like an angry monkey beating him repeatedly with a piece of firewood he had brought back from outside.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


After pulling Gbleek off of Evul, and if you think about it Nathan too, the three planned the greatest scheme ever to get in and out safely with no casualties.

“We need a way in and a way out. And all of that stuff that happens in between.” Contemplated Cajun.

“Agreed. But how!?” said Crimson. “There’s greeters at every entrance! We’ll never be able to get in and out undetected!”

“I have an idea!” trumpeted Gbleek dramatically. “We use the automatic doors. It’s automatic and it doesn’t require manual labor on our parts.”

“Agreed.” interrupted Crimson and Cajun.

“We stake it out by the door until several people are going in. Then we make a run for it as the other people are lulled into a false sense of a security and stop to be greeted by the old people.”

“It’s genius! Run in while other people are greeted! That way we get in unnoticed!” yelled Cajun.

“Yeah about that… They’ll recognize us from earlier today. We only left the store an hour ago…” commented Crimson.

“We’ll wear disguises.” announced Cajun boldly.

“Amazing! What a brilliant idea!” gasped Gbleek.

“I’ll be Banjo. Crimson will be Kazooie and you’ll be a Jinjo.”

“That’s stupid Cajun. That would never work. Wouldn’t a giant bear, bird, and some THING stand out in a crowd?” noted Crimson blandly.

“No the point Crimson is so that the employees don’t see our face. Now unless you wanna play three midgets in a trench coat which would be freakishly huge we’re going in disguised.”

“Wait why am I a Jinjo? I want to be Banjo!” asked Bleek upset.

“Cause you wouldn’t be able to hold a backpack containing a one hundred pound bird.” said Cajun giggling.

“Oh… Guess you’re right… Well then I wanna be Bozzeye.”

“We don’t have a Bozzeye costume.” said Cajun.

“YEAH… We do! It’s in the closet on the hanger labeled Bozzeye costume!” revealed Gbleek.

“I would have never known.” Cajun said to himself.

“Okay now how we going to get out?” asked Gbleek curious as to the rest of plan.

Cajun opened his mouth and raised his finger as if to make a point on something but it quickly shut and his finger went back down.

“They check your receipt when you leave the store if you bought merchandise. The escape won’t be as easy.” commented Crimson on where they stood. “However… They’re blind as a bat. Their vision is based on movement. So if we carefully walk by without making a sound and going really slow we should make it. And we’ll use the automatic exit just like when we came in.”

“Good than it’s settled!” said Gbleek happily with joy.

“Oh. And we’ll need a burlap sack and a stick with something sharp.” said Cajun randomly.

And with that said the MB trio departed for Wal-Mart with great speed. However when they arrived there it was not what they had planned. Already their master scheme had seemingly already been thwarted. They had gotten to Wal-Mart, yet the only thing there was an empty lot.

“What the? Game over man! Game over!” cried Cajun giving up hope of ever playing Banjo-Kazooie again.

“I don’t understand… It’s only been an hour since we left! What gives?” said Crimson. “I’ll just have to use my super vampire sense of smell to detect where they are hiding!” she pretended to sniff a most convincing sniffing of great power.

“Oh… What the heck? How’d they get over there?” said Gbleek.

Cajun and Crimson turned and found Gbleek pointing at the shopping center on the opposite side of the road. In it was a brand new Super Wal-Mart.

“It moved! And in less than an hour! So fast too!” commented Cajun.

“Could we be dealing with an even deadlier foe?” said Bleek giving his own commentary.

“I’ve seen this before guys… And it ain’t pretty…” Crimson told them warning them of the many dangers and trials that awaited them in the near future.

Epic heist music of great ownage played in their iPods as they crossed the road and waited for some people to go in. Suddenly a woman pushing a stroller went in.

“Now!” cried Crimson kicking her feet on Cajun’s back insanely.

“I copy red leader. Going after the ties.” Cajun informed Crimson quoting Star Wars whilst dashing for the entrance as he put on his realistic Banjo mask.

“Wait for me you guys! I can’t move with this stupid mole costume! It restricts my body movement and it’s really heavy!” said Gbleek waddling intensely after them like a penguin.

“You think your costume sucks? F you. This one is hot and heavy as hell. And I got a chick in the backseat that adds another hundred pounds. Try that on for size.” complained Cajun.

“Hurry! They’re almost done greeting!” yelled Crimson at Cajun turning her head and moving her head back and forth pecking him with her costume.

“Ow.”

The three friends made it into the store in seemingly the nick of the store when the woman went on from where the elderly greeter was to search for Wal-Mart’s guaranteed everyday low prices.


“Oh no! He’s done greeting!” cried Gbleek in terror.

The old man cocked his head and stood up from his chair. He walked over in the direction of the noise.

“Shhh… Remember you guys. They’re vision is based on movement… Blind as a bat. Just walk by without another sound.” whispered Crimson.

Unfortunately the plan had to be aborted when the old man, desperate to greet someone cause he’s lonely in his home cause his family never visits him, suddenly ran around arms flinging around looking around for people to greet. Suddenly his arms found Gbleek in his Bozzeye outfit. The old man started feeling around to find his hand and in the process noticed the irregular shape of the boy.

“Children these days. You just keep getting uglier and uglier. Hello young man! What’s your name? Welcome to…” he paused. “WAL-MART!” he hissed in an extremely sinister different voice.

Gbleek whimpered and looked at Banjo for help. Cajun raised his fists and popped the old man between the eyes as he was reaching in his pockets for poisoned candy.

“Thanks Cajun. I owe you one. What should we do with the body?” asked Gbleek.

“I know! To an empty public lavatory stall!” cried Kazooie as Banjo and Bozzeye grabbed hold of the old man and carried him to the nearest bathroom.

Banjo sent the mole inside to see if there were any empty facilities and Bozzeye gave the all clear. Banjo grabbed the old man and plopped him onto a toilet seat. Gbleek locked it from the inside then crawled out via the hole under the door.

“My super vampire senses tell me that this place smells.” said Crimson kicking Cajun on the back repeatedly wanting out of the room.

“Oh seriously? It smelled like pee all over the floor….” said Gbleek wiping his costumed hands on the wall.

They then promptly left the bathroom to commence the second stage of their grand heist. However their plan was about to take another unexpected detour.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


Immediately after leaving the bathroom they were swamped by little kids who were amazed by the life-size bear, the huge bird, and the rodent. Gbleek and Cajun went back to back and put up their arms to fend off their new foes. Crimson, who was already back to back with Cajun, nudged Gbleek away from her face indicating she already had that section covered. Gbleek moved over to another part and the group was now in a defensive triangle.

Suddenly the children, all snot faced, dirty, and little brats, began their assault. The friends a bear, a bird, and a mole, all simultaneously raised their arms to fend them off with amazing non-existent kung-fu. Which would basically to them just be random swings of their arms and legs. The first kid reached Gbleek first and tackled him. Gbleek screamed and kicked him in the crotch.

“Hold on Crimson. I have an idea. Do what I say!” muttered Cajun still focusing on the remainder of the kids which had slowed but were making a steady advance towards them.

“Okay! But it better be good…” she said slowly her eyes warily assessing the situation.

Gbleek was fighting intensely to get the kid off of him who had started beating the crap out of him.

“I hate you! You ugly beast! DIE!” screeched the ugly kid who nastily spat accidentally every time he spoke.

“Get your ass off of me! And it's only the best mole in a videogame ever!” yelled Gbleek raising his elbow and butting the kid in his glasses shattering them.

“Aaagh! My glasses! Where’d you go! I’ll pummel you when I find them you weird freak!” exclaimed the little brat.

Banjo and Kazooie were back to back, seeing as to how Crimson was sitting in Cajun’s backpack facing the opposite side. The two were staring at the crowd which was still collectively gathering and coming from all directions. Suddenly another four kids ran for the three this time focusing their assault on the bear and the bird.

“Okay Crimson. When I jump we kick em!” Cajun hastily said.

“Explain.” she quickly muttered.

“No time!” yelled Cajun leaping into the air drop kicking the nearest kid back into the one behind him.

Somehow on impulse Crimson had done the same and the result was really cool.

“What now?”

“I’m thinking this up as I go!”

“Ok… But think faster!” she yelled turning and pecking at Cajun’s head insisting that it was very urgent.

Gbleek glared at the brat exclaiming about how he could still beat the crap out of the mole without his glasses. Angry he couldn’t find them he had started swinging blindly and Gbleek was coolly dodging them. Finally Gbleek had took enough of the brat’s boasting and ripped off the top of the trashcan nearest him. He tossed it at his feet and grabbed the kid.

“AAAAAGH!” screeched the kid fiercely.

“AAAAAAAGGGHAAAGH!” Gbleek screamed back in his ear dominantly as he dropped the kid face first into the trashcan before putting the lid back on it.

“What’s wrong Crimson?” muttered Cajun.

“One right behind me coming fast!” she yelled.

Cajun dropped onto the ground leaving Crimson the one on top and she tossed the charging kid over their bodies with her feet and they flipped back upright. Cajun looked at Gbleek who was now being held down by two kids while another brutally beat him in the chest.

“Gbleek put your head down.” yelled Cajun running over to help him.

Gbleek did so and Banjo ran over to the scene and grabbed the two brats holding him down. He grabbed their heads with his paws and knocked their heads into the head of the one beating Gbleek insanely in his gut. The kids fell over unconscious and Gbleek sprang to his feet. Suddenly another kid tackled Banjo and Kazooie and hugged them endearingly somehow idolizing them.

“Aaaagh!” screamed Cajun. “It burns! Get em off! Get em off!”

The two were trapped and Gbleek couldn’t pry them off. Suddenly Crimson realized what she could do to help. She began violently pecking at the hands of the two kids until they began to cry and released them from the horrific hug.

Bozzeye looked around and realized they were cornered. An idea hit him and he grabbed the trashcan.

“Cajun.” said Gbleek.

Cajun turned his head away from the ensuing mob and looked at him. Gbleek looked at the trashcan he was holding and Cajun caught on. Banjo grabbed a middle piece and they ran forward into the crowd.

“Hey! What are we doing running this way!? Why we moving forward? You guys? Guys!” panicked Crimson.

Using the trashcan as a battering ram they charged bravely into the crowd of kids knocking them onto their feet. They barely made it through and Gbleek and Cajun turned and threw it towards them so that it rolled. The kids which had now turned began to run and tripped as it knocked them back down. However many kids were still around them and they couldn’t run far in their suits.

“I’m going to fly…” said Kazooie slowly.

“Don’t you leave me here bird brain!” muttered Banjo to his friend.

“Don’t leave us here!” said Gbleek horrified.

“Do a backflip Cajun er… Banjo!” Crimson said desperately.

Cajun tried vigorously failing several times but managed to perform one on his fifth try. Crimson started flapping her costumes wings in the air. They hovered in the air and Gbleek jumped up and grabbed onto Cajun’s legs.

“To the Electronics department!” exclaimed Gbleek dramatically. “But first… Bring us over the kids. Let’s bomb em with some eggs.” he chuckled insanely in anger.

“I don’t really lay eggs Gbleek… Tis a costume remember.” Crimson nervously reminded him.

“Oh yeah… Well bring us on over anyway! I wanna hack a loogie and drop it on that ugly moron’s head right there.” he told them looking at the kid who had been dumped in the trashcan.

“Roger!” said Crimson flying over towards the intended target.

Gbleek hacked a nasty one up and sent it flying onto the kid’s face.

“Aaaagh!” screamed the kid grasping his face and screaming as if it had been sulfuric acid.

“How do you like me now!?” screamed Gbleek in sing song.

“Let’s roll.” said Cajun coolly.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


The three friends were almost at the Electronics department when they realized that little kids are almost always playing the demos on the video game consoles. And to make things worse the systems are kept in the glass cases and only the Wal-Mart employees have the key to open it. They were stopped in their tracks. And they could see employees and civilian bystanders everywhere below them.

“Crimson. We’re going to have to land somewhere else.” Cajun commented quickly.

“We’re SO close though…” she sighed deeply and flew off for the clothes section.

They quickly dropped down near a currently unoccupied section of the department and rolled under some racks hidden by a thick wall of clothes.

“There’s too many of them…” said Gbleek.

“We need to get their attention….” said Crimson.

“Or… we could just do something better…” revealed Cajun.

“Like WHAT foolish human? If there was a better option CRIMSON would be the first to know. I AM the best vampire that ever lived.” hissed Crimson greatly offended.

Gbleek rolled his eyes.

“Yes. We calmly execute a new objective. Take out the power. It’ll kill the lights and knock out the security cameras for a bit. And they probably have a master key somewhere in the back…” said Cajun like a criminal mastermind.

“That’s not a bad idea…” said Gbleek giving his input and peeking out the wall of clothes all around them.

“I will be able to help you there! I will guide us around with my special super duper eyesight!” boasted Crimson on how her eyes were superior to her friends.

“We gotta move now…” whispered Gbleek still peering at a slim crack in the wall of clothes.

“What’s wrong?” questioned Crimson nervously.

“We’ve got company.”

Banjo reached out his paw and brushed the clothes apart briefly for a quick glimpse. To his horror he saw the mob of kids running their way and several employees walking around.

“Crap! The room to the back!” said Cajun frightened.

Cajun reached out his arms and grabbed an employee’s foot who was heading directly to it. The employee promptly collided with the carpet and Cajun grabbed him by the neck and held him in a stranglehold. Gbleek dragged him under the rack and held his legs together while Cajun knocked him out.

“Go go go!” cried Crimson as they all scrambled out from beneath the rack and ran for the doors to the backroom.

The kids immediately took notice of the odd trio and ran for them. Several employees did the same, as they saw the friends running for the employees only warehouse in the backroom.

“Ooohaaaagh!” screeched an employee like one of the pod peoples in the Body Snatchers remake with Donald Sutherland.

The employee pointed at the fleeing animals and the employees who hadn’t noticed them yet who were in the vicinity turned their heads. They screamed too and the little kids all howled bloodcurdling screams. Nearby in the clothes section two other Megabuddies members were shopping at Wal-Mart for the first time and completely oblivious to the screams of a quickly approaching stampede.

“Oh! Nathan! This is SO adorable! And look it comes in pink! Go try it on my Cutie Poo!” squealed Belbell thrusting a pink T-shirt with a Pekinese dog into Nathan’s arms.

Nathan grimaced in disgust. He had been dragged along with Belbell as she went clothes shopping and she was making him try on clothes. One of the most boring jobs in the world. And to make matters worse almost everything she barked at him to try on was horrible from the male point of view. And the only thing processing through his mind was what his friends would do if they caught him trying on clothes with Belbell. What if they saw him wearing a striped rainbow shirt he thought horrified. The only thing that mattered to him was escaping when Belbell had her back turned and running to the CD section and buying the new Dead Poetic CD.

“But I don’t WANT to!” whined Nathan embarrassed. “And don’t call me that! Not here!” he pleaded desperately looking around nervously.

“What Cutie Poo?” asked Belbell baffled.

“THAT!” said Nathan frustrated. “Oh crap! And I’m still wearing the striped rainbow shirt!” Nathan said quickly taking it off his body.

“What’s wrong? Put that back on Nathan. It looks ADORABLE on you.” Belbell commanded sternly.

“Almost the whole store’s coming this way. Over there!” he pointed behind Belbell. “And… Banjo and Kazooie are winning the triathalon…” muttered Nathan in disbelief rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn’t crazy.

Belbell turned her head and sure enough Banjo and Kazooie were in the lead with a mole named Bozzeye right on their tail. Belbell turned back to Nathan.

“Oh piddle paddle Cutie Poo. We don’t know any of them. Now put it back on.” she barked strictly shoving the shirt back into his arms with the pink one.

“No! I don’t care! I don’t want ANYBODY seeing me even trying this on… And I said to stop calling me that! We’re in public!” pleaded Nathan.

“Run Gbleek!” ordered Crimson at Bozzeye who was panting uncontrollably like Banjo. “And faster my chariot! Faster my anthromorphic bear friend!”

“Shut up!” complained Banjo still running.

“Hey! It’s Belbell!” exclaimed Gbleek running for her.

“I thought I heard Gbleek just now.” said Nathan jumping uncontrollably looking around nervously.

“And there’s Nathan! We must rescue them!” screamed Crimson.

“And that’s Crimson!” yelled Nathan ducking down to hide.

“They are not in this store right now Nathan. Now get up. You’re making a scene!” complained Belbell grabbing him and trying to pull him up.

“Leave me alone woman!” cried Nathan shaking her off.

“Belbell! We have to go now!” screamed Gbleek who had suddenly appeared by Belbell in the form of a giant mole.

“Gbleek!?” muttered Belbell in disbelief.

“YES!” he replied grabbing her arm and running for the door with her holding her hand.

“Wait come back!” complained Nathan as Cajun suddenly ran to him and pulled him to his feet. "Wait who are you!?"

"I'm Cajun! The one in the backseat is Crimson!"

“Why are we running? screamed Nathan at Crimson.

“Wal-Mart is evil! Didn’t you know!?” she yelled back.

“No! No idea!” shouted Nathan.

Suddenly a little kid burst from the side into the main walkway and leaped onto Belbell. She screamed and Gbleek armed himself with a coat hanger.

“Aaaagh! Help me!” yelled Belbell frightened as she struggled to keep the kid off of her as he went to great efforts to bite her.

“Get off my online sister!” remarked Gbleek angrily bashing the kids head in repeatedly with the coat hanger.

The kid howled and Belbell rolled him off of her as Gbleek helped her back up.

“Bleek get the door!” shouted Cajun in a hurry.

Gbleek pushed open the door and held it open as the remainder of the Wal-Mart survivors ran inside the back room. Cajun and Nathan braced themselves against the door as more and more employees and children hit the door. Their footing began to slip steadily as more and more enemies arrived.

“I’ll get some boxes! Help me Gbleek!” said Belbell pushing a huge box up towards the door.

Gbleek grabbed some heavy boxes and pushed them towards Belbell so she could get them faster. The process continued until Nathan, Crimson, and Cajun were about to lose their control of the door. Suddenly Belbell and Gbleek screamed for them to move. They rolled over towards the side and as the doors were being pushed open they were immediately pushed back by the boxes being pushed up towards the door. More screams and insane beating on the doors occurred as more boxes were piled up until the backroom was completely fortified.

“Damn…. That was close.” sighed Gbleek deeply.

“What is going on here!?” screamed Belbell.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“I can explain this!” cried Crimson epically. “We vampires ARE the elite storytelling species after all.”

“You’re not a species….” Nathan commented.

“Yes we are!” Crimson shouted defensively crossing her arms unhappily.

“Nuh uh. You don’t even drink blood. You’re a weird vampire. You eat milkshakes and Cheerios…”

“Those are my EVIL VAMPIRE milkshakes and Cheerios.” Crimson corrected him, shifting her eyes around mystically. “Now you! Big Bear! Cajun! Cajun! Let me down! Release the carry on package! I want down!!!” she whined frantically moving around inside of the backpack.

Banjo dropped his backpack onto the ground to Kazooie’s surprise.

“There ya go Crimson.” Cajun gasped relieved that the pressure on his back was gone.

“What the heck! Not THAT way! Foolish human. If you weren’t my friend I would have consumed you seconds ago! I can smell the blood pounding in your heart right now… It’s flowing around swishing and swashing through your veins and arteries… I can hear it… I can smell your fear. You reek of the stench of fear! Hmm or maybe it’s just cause we’ve been running and you’re in that stupid costume and it’s really hot inside!” hissed Crimson trying to sound intimidating.

“You’re crazy Crimson!” muttered Gbleek joining the conversation.

“Nobody else comment on my state of mental and or physical state of health! You two toadies go find where they keep the power. I shall inform our oblivious friends of the facts they need to know and how some of us are probably not going to make it out of here.” said Crimson bitterly while taking off her Kazooie head.

“We’re not going to make it out of here alive!?!?!” gasped Belbell, trembling uncontrollably as if she had Parkinson’s disease.

“What do you mean Crimson…? Do you mean like… not at the same time?” asked Nathan slowly, he himself dreaded what the answer would be.

“Belbell wins Nathan.”

“Oh my god!” screamed Nathan collapsing onto his knees, placing his hands on the back of his head as he rocked slowly back and forth.

“Let’s go Cajun. There’s bound to be a power switch or something back here. Or at least a vending machine… I’m freaking starving. I haven’t eaten anything since our last adventure began…” said Gbleek walking off to explore the mysterious warehouse.

“But… It’s funny watching her break it to them Bleek… Nathan’s taking it hard…” said Cajun grinning lightly as he watched Nathan roll around on the floor crying.

“Nathan’s a wuss. If he can survive being eaten by Evul he is NOT going to die from hearing from the bearer of bad news. Now come on. You need to keep up with me. This place is big.” sputtered Gbleek frowning upon the way Nathan was behaving.

“Fine…” pouted Cajun unhappily following Bleek.

“I’m hot… And it’s hard to see in this stupid thing…” complained Gbleek grabbing for his Bozzeye costume’s head, trying to pull it off.

“Mine too… And it’s making me all itchy…” said Cajun as they continued walking off.

Cajun tried to take off his Banjo head. His paws were too big and he was unable to acquire a compact grip on a portion of the head to pull it off. Gbleek was trying hard to remove his Bozzeye head. It was stuck firmly on as well.

“I can’t get it off!” whimpered Gbleek now thrashing his arms violently.

“Me too! Maybe Belbell could pull them off for us… You… Wanna go back?” Cajun asked him

“I don’t know…” Gbleek replied as they both looked at each other and turned around to look at their friends. “Nah we’ve gone too far.” he said instantly upon seeing that they had already traveled a distance of epic proportions, about twenty whole steps from where they had started.

“Yeah you’re right let’s go. We don’t need them. We can get them off ourselves!” Cajun added seeing it too.

The pair set off together and quickly found themselves lost in a maze of rows and rows of boxes, the majority of which contained cheap low-quality products made in the sleazy sweatshops of China.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Hey Bleeky... I’m so freaking bored… Wanna play a game?” asked Cajun dully as they continued on their death march in the dark warehouse looking for an office room with power switches.

“I don’t know… What’s the catch…” responded Gbleek suspiciously as he began renewing his efforts of freeing his head from the costume.

Cajun tried to pull off the Banjo head again but to his anger it only became tighter rather than looser.

“Nothing. Just something stupid… I had an idea… We might NEVER get a chance to do something like this again… We ARE in a warehouse… We could do warehouse stuff!”

“Oooh! Oooh! I like the sound of that! Um! Um! Um! I know!” Gbleek squealed jumping up and down, his attention fully devoted to the idea of warehouse mischief.

“What?” giggled Cajun goofily.

“Let’s ride around in shopping carts powered by fire extinguishers! Like a rocket car!” snickered Gbleek, spinning to the side looking for an extinguisher. “Oh! Here it is! Now we just need a shopping cart or some-“

“Screw that Gbleek! Look what I found!” interrupted Cajun pointing at a box on a shelf labeled “Spare Fire Extinguishers”.

Gbleek stared at the box mesmerized trembling. “If it says “Spare Fire Extinguishers” Cajun they’re definitely not going to be missed…”

Gbleek instantaneously dropped the extinguisher he had been holding in favor of the box and it exploded at his feet covering both of them in cold foam. They shielded their faces for no reason at all other than instinct, they were already inside of warm and uncomfortable costumes, as the extinguisher rattled on the floor moving in a circle until it slowly stopped. Cajun stared at Gbleek as if he was ready to murder him in cold blood.

“Gbleek… That was AWESOME!” gasped Cajun making a little foam goatee on the Banjo head.

“Radical!” exclaimed Bozzeye as he made himself a small curly mustache out of the foam.

“Come on! I can’t wait to potentially blow myself up doing something nobody should ever do just because I have the materials and the time to do so!” cried Cajun ripping open the box.

“Me either! Let’s get started! You do that! I’ll go find us a shopping cart!” said Gbleek scurrying off on his own.

“Don’t get lost!” yelled Cajun half-heartedly still trying to rip off the damn tape.

………………………………………..

“La la la la la laaaaaaaa!” hummed Gbleek as he skipped happily between shelves of Hannah Montana merchandise. “Ewww…” he muttered noticing Miley Cyrus’s ugly face everywhere.

He frowned and stopped frolicking where he was right then and there. He grabbed a Hannah Montana alarm clock and flung it on the ground.

“DIE HANNAH MONTANA!” screamed Gbleek violently as he swept his arm around a shelf knocking everything down onto the ground.

………………………………..

“Did someone just scream “DIE HANNAH MONTANA”?” gasped Belbell way up near the front entrance to the warehouse, looking at Crimson.

She shrugged. “I dunno. Did someone?” she asked her back quite uninterested in anything to do with Hannah Montana.

“I like Hannah Montana…” Belbell whispered softly wiping a tear from her face.

“I don’t….” commented Nathan from the side.

“Yes… YES you DO Nathan.” Belbell corrected him as she glared at him, giving him the evil eye.

“Yes maam…” whimpered Nathan still sobbing over the fact that Wal-Mart was evil and he probably wouldn’t get out alive.

……………………………………….

“YES! YES! DIE STUPID DISNEY CHILD STAR!” he cackled. “Oh?”

He saw a girly looking bowie knife lying on the ground. Picking it up he gasped at the label.

He read it slowly in shock immensely puzzled ““Official “Hannah Montana” Merchandise: "My First Bowie Knife" Bowie Knife”… What the hell!? How is her face on a freaking knife!?”

Gbleek grabbed it and began to cut the mask off of his face diligently.

……………………………………………

“La la la la la. Going to do some cool dangerous cool *!@ at mah local Wal-Mart oh yeah!” hummed Cajun, now finished with unpacking the fire extinguishers, as he looked for some tape to hold the extinguishers in place on the shopping cart Gbleek was out looking for.

……….

“Finally fresh air!” gasped Gbleek breathing deep cool breaths of air into his lungs as he pulled the shredded mask off.

He tossed it on the ground and noticed that a cart was next to him.

“Hey! Finally something’s going my way today!” he smiled grabbing the handles and running with it back to Cajun.

………………….

“What’s taking them so long… I wanna go home… I wanna go… Back to where it’s safe! To a place where I can sleep easily at night without the possibility of evil old greeter people breaking in and forcing poisoned candy down my throats. A place where it doesn’t smell like McDonald’s all day in certain parts of the building!” Belbell sighed sadly.

“There’s a McDonald’s here!?” shouted Crimson amazed. “I must get something to eat…” she said sitting up from her makeshift seat, a cardboard box containing one dollar DVDs that nobody would ever buy.

“Don’t you get any crazy ideas Crimson! I’m just the lowliest admin! If you die! I have no chance at all! If this were a horror movie or story I’d have no chance at all if one of the coolest people died early in the story!” cried Nathan, snot dripping out of his nostrils, his eyes all puffed up and red from the constant crying he’d been participating in for the past forty five minutes, laying down at Crimson’s feet and wrapping his arms around her for dear life.

“Hey Nathan bet you forgot… If this WAS a story… When the cool people die… The DORKS always have a far worse fate and suffer to their last breath. Example. If I get shot. You get stabbed a bazillion times until you die. But don’t worry. I have enough awesomeness to save us all.”

Belbell unintentionally laughed out loud. Nathan’s lip began to tremble and he began bawling like crazy screaming at Crimson to not risk her life to eat at the store’s built in McDonald’s.

“Crimson… I… don’t wanna die… Am… I gonna die?” Nathan whispered sprawling towards Crimson and grabbing the front of her costume, pulling her in close to him and looking at her in the eyes panicking.

“Yes… Yes… I thought we went through this already Nathan. YES you are. Now shut up. Go cry over there in that nice dark corner okay?” Crimson said unsympathetically as she pointed towards a dark dusty corner away from them. “It’s nice and dark… And such a solitary place that probably neither me nor Belbell would be able to hear you whining if you were to choose to sit there. It’s a VERY nice place…” she insisted frankly quite annoyed with him.

Nathan looked at Belbell for help as if she might be able to convince him otherwise, that there was no chance that he might die and that everything would be all right. She casually looked away pretending to play with her hair. He sighed and crawled on his belly to the corner moaning in self pity. Once Nathan was out of ear-shot Crimson turned to Belbell.

“What do you see in him mortal? The human specimen is of healthy breeding age and you might get some kids out of him… But you could have had much much better. He is a big boob.”

“Yes… but he’s MY boob...” sighed Belbell currently highly embarrassed of her dating choice.

“I fail to see how that answers my question… Humans… LIKE idiots? If he was a vampire a strong healthy male would have eaten him already to prove that he is dominant and win me over. We vampires do not like da sickly or da whiny or da losers. We are a selective kind. My way of choosing who I might date is much much cooler no?” bragged Crimson proudly.

Belbell stared at Crimson and inched away nervously. “Um… yeah… Sure…”

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


Brad stood still grinning excitedly. It was quite boring and cold outside but he could wait. He had to wait. Otherwise the minute he got up to even use the bathroom or to get something to eat it would happen. The carnival was in town. He had been waiting for hours for it to begin. He had to ensure he got the most out of his passes by making sure that every minute the carnival was open was spent frolicking at the carnival using the three day passes he had bought for him and some of his friends.

Someone shoved him. “Move it you idiot! You’re in the way!”

“No you move it!” shouted Brad defiantly shoving him back. “Go around me fool! We’re in the middle of the park! There’s tons of space around me and you can easily sidestep your &*( two feet to the side so that you don’t run into me!”

“I’m not moving kid. You’re in MY spot. This is where I smoke my magic special plant!” the man angrily remarked taking off his black sunglasses in a non-intimidating attempt to make Brad back off.

Brad laughed out loud in his face giggling. The man was a hippie. He was dressed in a green shirt with red and yellow flower design patterns all over it. He had a long bushy beard and looked like a goofy lumberjack. The man’s black sunglasses were the dorky kind, box shaped, and protected his red stoned eyes from the view of public safety officials and natural sunlight. His hair was cut like one of the Beatles and he was basically your stereotyped hippie and then some.

“What’s so funny meat eater!?” the hippie sputtered at Brad leaning in towards his face, his breath reeked of smoking and drinking as did the hippie himself.

Brad burst out laughing more unable to breathe. Was this hippie really trying to intimidate him into submission? He stared at a peace sign the hippie had scribbled on his arm in sharpie. He giggled more.

“You’re weird. This is MY spot so f off Treehugger.” Brad said sternly, trying with much difficulty to keep the laughter in his voice from going off.

Brad had staked out the best spot to wait for the carnival to set up and he was not going to give it up. Especially not to a stupid hippie like this idiot.

“Meat eater you think you’re so tough!? My magic fists of power can easily overpower you! One last warning. You DARE defy me?” the Hippie screamed ripping off his flowery shirt revealing a sickly and gross body, much of it covered in hair.

Brad stared at the hippie and guffawed more “Um… Heh heh what?”

“You materialistic boy. You will soon regret messing with “Soaring Bird!” the Hippie muttered raising his arms to strike.

Brad didn’t move but simply stared at the crazy hippie, still deliriously laughing unable to take him seriously.

“You’re kidding.” Brad muttered, staring at the man who was now making strange noises and doing gay battle poses.

The hippie took out a pot joint and lit up. He stuck the cigarette in his mouth and screamed unintelligently at Brad.

“Whahahahahaha!” the crazy hippie screamed aiming a weak and pathetically embarrassing punch at Brad’s chest.

Raising a brow Brad grabbed the hippie’s arm and flipped him over his body onto the ground.

“I see you are fast! But the elements shall destroy you! GO EARTH!” yelled the hippie as he grabbed a fistful of grass and soil and flung it up at Brad.

The hippie’s last attack had done nothing but get dirt on Brad’s jeans. The battle was so pathetic that even Brad, though he was winning, was dreadfully bored. Disgusted Brad kicked him savagely in the face.

………………………

“It’s complete Gbleek! The ultimate ride of carelessness!” said Cajun tossing down the roll of duct tape in his hand.

“Should we add some sort of crude seat belt thing first?” asked Gbleek clearly lacking any interest at all in his own suggestion.

“Seat belts are for chumps dude.”

“Yes they are.” finished Gbleek as they both jumped into their dangerous new toy eager to go on their joy ride and traverse through the warehouse with class.

Cajun tossed the controversial bowie knife that Gbleek had found earlier to the side. Upon Gbleek’s return he had confiscated the knife for personal use and relieved himself of his own mask. He didn’t need it nor want it anymore.

“Let’s ride!” shouted Cajun with a crazy grin on his face, as he snatched a baseball bat and whacked it on the top of the mass of fire extinguishers to trigger the beginning of what would probably be their end.

A sudden whizzing and popping noise was heard as all of the extinguishers simultaneously went off like a cannon. The shopping cart flew forward at super speed knocking it’s occupants over and out of their ride stumbling backwards. Gbleek and Cajun barely caught the front handles of the shopping cart with their hands and clung to it for dear life as the cart zoomed like a rocket through the warehouse out of control.

“AAAAAAAAAAAGH!” they screamed terrified in unison as their bodies jerked violently in sync with the movements of the cart.

“I WANT OFF!!!” cried Bleek, struggling to breathe as his face melted into itself due to the pressure from the speed they were going.

Cajun was undergoing the same the effect. Suddenly their cart shot itself into a wall and they were whiplashed forward into the cart on top of the fire extinguishers. The fire extinguishers were not made to take a thwomp from baseball bats and human bodies and exploded almost as soon as they landed on them. Cajun and Bleek blasted off into the air, swirling around at great speed and covered in a freezing foamy coating. They had gaping gashes on their shirts now, caused by the explosion of the blast, and they looked like action heroes who had gone through hell, but in an awkward situation and covered in fire extinguisher foam.

“We’re gonna die!!!” screamed Bleek as they soared through the air flying headfirst towards a high shelf with lots of sharp pointy items sticking off the shelves.

Cajun’s face twitched unable to comment. He instead began laughing crazily unable to cope with what was happening.

Gbleek looked at him terrified, before he began nervously laughing with Cajun, morbidly amused as well at how they were going to die.

They continued to descend slowly in the air and somehow were now on a collision course with the medium shelves containing pillows. Cajun and Gbleek gasped and began stretching their arms out in front of them, foolishly thinking they would be able to glide in and land on the pillows. Suddenly they dropped more in the air, just inches away from the shelves with the pillows and bonked their heads on the metal part of the shelves.

“Damn it…” sputtered Gbleek, right before he passed out and fell to the tile floor below out cold.

Cajun opened his mouth to say something as well, but passed out before he could finish his first word, which began “Shi-”, and plummeted down beside Bleek.

Their foreheads began to show gashes after a few seconds and crimson blood dripped down, pooling among their bodies sprawled out on the dusty floor. Off in the distance a Tickle Me Elmo cackled evilly as it polished a cleaver.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


Cajun looked around. Gbleek was nowhere to be seen. He was alone and in some sort of desolate hallway. How he had gotten there he had no clue. The hallway was dark and there was a lone light up ahead crackling. The light went out finally and stayed that way. A high pitched voice cackled somewhere and he swung his body around to face the direction he had heard it come from.

“Heh heh heh heh.” giggled the mystery person following him.

“Who are you!?” Cajun asked, speaking to the darkness.

Cajun started moving his legs back slowly, still facing the direction of the voice. He began moving backwards warily. Suddenly the voice giggled behind him. Cajun gasped and turned his head around. He stood still and squinted towards a small shape ahead of him.

“Let’s be friends…” giggled the small person eerily.

Cajun was crept out by it’s monotone retarded voice and constant laughing at nothing.

Suddenly something brushed against his leg and Cajun fell against the wall in surprise. He looked down and could barely make out a small furry head looking up at him with a menacing smile. There were two of whatever was in the dark with him. Suddenly more unseen creatures giggled around him.

The creature near his leg suddenly grabbed onto his leg with a vice like grip.

“Friends forever!!!” it cackled with a different demonic voice.
___________________________

“Aaaaaaagh!!!!!!!!” screamed Cajun at the top of his lungs as he awoke suddenly in excruciating pain.

Cajun looked up in horror, gasping deeply, as a small Tickle Me Elmo retrieved it’s huge meat cleaver out of his body from deep within his shoulder. Cajun screamed loudly again in pain as blood gushed out from his wound. He momentarily glanced around the room and noticed he and Gbleek were still lying on the floor, but that they were surrounded by dozens and dozens of Tickle Me Elmos.

All the nearby shelves were full of more Tickle Me Elmos for as far as he could see from his limited viewpoint on the floor. Several Elmos were helping the ones still trapped inside of their boxes. They were punching holes in the boxes and freeing their comrades by untwisting the twisty ties that bound them to the cardboard. As each Elmo got out of it’s box, another Elmo thrust a stabbing weapon into it’s furry red hands. They then began running happily towards Cajun and Bleek giggling insanely happy.

Cajun turned his head and saw a Tickle Me Elmo standing over Gbleek’s unconscious body, raising a screwdriver up into the air as if it was a divine object. Cajun realized what was about to happen and tried to reach out to swat the little $&#@(@ away from Gbleek but found that his hand’s were tied down to the floor.

The Tickle Me Elmos near Cajun laughed at his attempts to free himself then savagely hacked into Cajun’s arm. Cajun screamed louder than he had the first time and head butted an Elmo standing beside his head in retaliation.

The Elmo raising it’s screwdriver above Gbleek suddenly plunged the pointy end down for Gbleek’s head, but Gbleek randomly moved over and the screwdriver struck the concrete floor. Finally after all of Cajun’s screaming Gbleek finally woke up.

Groggy eyed, Gbleek looked up as the Elmo raised the screwdriver again.

“Elmo likes playing with sharp things!!!” shouted the Elmo giggling.

“What the heck!? Get away from me you freak! I hate you!” scowled Gbleek most displeased with his new friend.

“But Elmo LOVES you!” it cackled swinging downward again.

Gbleek rolled his head to the side again barely missing the screwdriver.

“Ahahahaha hee hee!” squealed the Elmo with joy sadistically.

“Gbleek! We gotta get loose from these ropes! There’s more of em coming!” shouted Cajun, spitting on the Elmo that just stabbed him.

Blood dripped down from Cajun’s arm and he thrashed around violently on the ground trying to break free.

“Yay new friends!” shouted Elmos arriving fresh from their boxes running towards Cajun and Gbleek.

The new batch of Elmos were almost to their destination. The Elmo trying to kill Gbleek got frustrated with Gbleek constantly moving his head and tossed the screwdriver to the side. It picked up a frying pan and whacked Gbleek on the side of the head.

“Gaaaaargh!!” screamed Bleek in pain.

“We’ll kill you!!! You little mother!!! Cajun! There’s more of em!? I don’t know if we can handle these.”

“If you can’t handle the about like eight or nine of these then you sure as hell can’t handle the ones coming down to play.”

“How many!?” shrieked Gbleek kicking a Elmo trying to chisel into Gbleek’s foot with an icepick much too big for it.

The Elmo hovered backwards with the ice pick and fell on it’s back.

“Uh oh.” the Elmo said grimly right before the ice pick fell down and impaled it in the head.

“Loads.” panted Cajun as another Elmo began pulling his hair violently.

An Elmo began jumping up and down on Gbleek’s chest as the first Elmo on the attack continued it’s barrage of whacks with a frying pan.

“Aaaagh!!!” screamed Bleek at the top of his lungs as he rolled over to the side slightly.

The Elmo jumping on his chest landed on the ground beside him and Gbleek rolled back over. Gbleek began violently thrashing up and down squashing the Elmo to pieces of red fur and plastic bits.

An Elmo next to Cajun raised a machete up in the air and swung it down. Cajun moved his arm as hard as he could and dodged the blade. Meanwhile another Elmo continued pulling his hair and another Elmo hacked a cleaver into his shoulder again.

“DAMN IT!!! STOP DOING THAT!!!” he screamed as the Elmo dug the cold steel into his tender flesh.

“Elmo likes this game!!!” shouted an Elmo.

“Elmo likes this game too!” giggled another.

“Elmo thinks it’s fun as well! Hee Hee!” laughed another somewhere.

The Elmo with the machete swung the blade down again. Cajun rolled over to the side again desperately. The machete hacked the rope restraining Cajun’s right arm down in two and Cajun grabbed the machete from the beast.

“Elmo don’t like this…” said the Elmo slowly.

“Oh… But I think I’M going to like THIS game… FRIEND!” said Cajun with an insane look in his eye, staring down the Elmo.

He swung the machete to the side and hacked it deep into the Tickle Me Elmo. It’s laughing became distorted as the electronic chips inside of it were destroyed. Cajun placed his arm above his head and grabbed the Elmo pulling his air.

“Elmo asks stop please.” the evil Elmo quickly muttered.

“No Mercy!” shouted Cajun furiously as he hurled the toy against the wall, breaking it in the process.

“Cajun free me! Free me! Aaagh.” gurgled Bleek as a Elmo, the one which had been using the frying pan, impaled Gbleek deeply with a miniature American flag right around his navel.

Cajun cut Gbleek’s left arm free and then resumed freeing himself.

Gbleek grabbed a conveniently placed meat cleaver and freed his other hand. Gbleek then swiftly grabbed the Elmo which had done that to him, which was currently savagely kicking him in the crotch, and painfully pulled the flag out of his belly.

“Elmo likes you! You like Elmo?” the Elmo pleaded for it’s life insanely.

“NO!” barked Gbleek, thrusting the flag through the Elmo’s open mouth and pushing it all the way to the back of it’s head.

Gbleek cut the remaining ropes holding him back from unleashing his revenge on the toys and stumbled to his feet painfully with Cajun.

“They’re free! Run Elmos!” shouted an Elmo as Gbleek kicked him up into the air.

“You’re dead!!!” shouted Gbleek pointing at the crowd of Elmos that had been running for the two of them, which was now turning in place and running the other way away from them.

“Catch em, KILL EM!!!” hollered Cajun, limping at a steady pace and more focused on revenge than the pain in his legs.

Cajun leaned onto a shelf for support and walked forward. Seeing a random potted cactus he grabbed it and hurled it at the closest Elmo. The pot smashed upon collision and the spikes on the cacti stuck to the head of the creature.

“Elmo doesn’t deserve to die like this…” muttered the Elmo before it tripped because of the impact and fell over dead.

Gbleek charged ahead of Cajun and grabbed two Elmos running on the ground seeking a place to hide and lifted them into the air. He raised his arms up then violently swung his arms against some shelves, bashing the Elmo’s skulls and sending bits and pieces of evil toy brain matter and pieces flying everywhere around them. Gbleek howled happily with the thrill of the kill. But he wasn’t satisfied. Neither was Cajun. They wanted more.

Several Elmos tried hiding back inside of their boxes but Cajun and Gbleek simply punched through the plastic and ripped their freaking heads off. They tossed the heads onto the ground with happy smiles and the heads rolled under the dusty shelves. The Elmos who had witnessed their foes’ brutality in the murders of their unarmed comrades were frightened and all suddenly giggled for no reason other than that the Chinese who had manufactured their data chips had programmed them to do so.

Gbleek reached into his pockets and pulled out an adamantium axe with dual blades and a black colored hilt made of timber wood. Cajun stared momentarily at Gbleek’s pocket wondering how the hell his friend had fit the axe in there. He eventually decided that maybe it was better if he didn’t’ ask him, being crept out about the whole pocket thing and the fact that Gbleek carried around a dual bladed axe all day, and refrained himself from asking.

Cajun grabbed a crowbar and along with Gbleek tag teamed for twenty minutes hunting down those who crossed them. Eventually only one Elmo remained. The Elmo seemed to be the leader Elmo, it was smarter and faster than the drones that had been fighting the two Megabuddies, and it waddled back to the small room that housed his creator.

Gbleek and Cajun had followed the demonic Sesame Street character to the room, all the while stylistically dispatching the main Elmo’s friends in way over the top fashion. The Elmo hopped through a little doggy door and ran into the dark room. As soon as the flap fell back down the creature giggled.

“Come in and play with Elmo! Hee hee!” it giggled enticing them.

“You die now you retarded runt!” screamed Gbleek grabbing the door handle.

Gbleek flung the door wide open and Cajun ran into the room in attack mode with a baseball bat, raised up in the air ready to strike anything that moved. Gbleek quickly followed armed with his adamantium axe.

The room was dark and they could hear faint heavy breathing in the corner of the room. Elmo giggled nearby and they heard him run around them. The evil beast shut the door on them, leaving them completely stranded in the dark.

“And then there was one…” whispered Cajun. “You can hide all you want you googly eyed ***** but there’s not much room to hide in this tiny shack. Oh I’m going to love this…”

“Elmo wants to play a game! Hee hee!” shouted the creature behind them.

“Where is it!?” asked Gbleek.

“I don’t know…” replied Cajun. “Quick. Let’s find the lights.”

“Elmo knows where you live!!!” shouted the creature in a corner of the room. “Hee hee.”

“I’ll get you ya walking carpet!” scowled Gbleek rushing for the source of the noise.

“Hee hee hee hee. Elmo too fast. You can’t catch Elmo!” giggled Elmo ominously running around, his stocky short legs stirring dust off the floorboards into the air.

“Mmmph!!” groaned Gbleek as he tripped on something and fell onto the ground.

Cajun meanwhile was hugging the walls of the room, looking for a lightswitch.

Gbleek heard something clang beside him. The faint breathing became louder as Gbleek swiftly got back on his feet. He wandered around the room aimlessly looking for the little red pest stalking them.

“Aha I found the lights. Now you’re going to get it you little hairball…” said Cajun flipping the lights on.

The lights turned on in the room and Cajun gasped.

“Oh my god…” he muttered, looking behind Gbleek with big eyes.

“What…?” asked Gbleek, disturbed by Cajun’s expression.

Gbleek slowly turned around and stared back into the eyes of a morbidly mutated evil janitor hulking ominously over him.

“Hi… Were those your toys? We didn’t mean to break…” began Gbleek before abruptly quitting mid-sentence. “Know what since I know you aren’t going to believe our story over that little hairball there...” Gbleek pointed at the Elmo who was sticking it’s tongue out at him and Cajun. “I’m just going to go ahead and do this.” Gbleek punched the Janitor in the crotch.

The Janitor didn’t even blink or flinch and simply growled at the boy pissed. Gbleek raised a brow.

“Know what let’s bail. RUN!” hollered Gbleek running for the door, quickly passing Cajun despite the fact that Cajun had been standing right next to the exit.

Cajun quickly ran out after Gbleek and slammed the door in the Janitor’s face who had begun pursuing them with the evil Tickle Me Elmo laughing insanely and riding on it’s right shoulder.

“What did we do to deserve a day like this man!? Nothing’s gone our way today!” Cajun panted at Gbleek as they ran.

“Why are you asking me Cajun!? None of the stuff that’s happened to us today makes ANY sense!” Gbleek hastily replied.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


Crimson glared at crybaby Nathan who was weeping quietly with snot running down his nose in the corner she had had shunned him to in isolation. Crimson yawned deeply in boredom and prodded Belbell, who had been creepily lulled to sleep by the disturbing sounds of Nathan whining and sucking snot constantly back up into his nose, really hard in the back of the neck with her hand again like she had been ever since she had fallen asleep. She was lonely, Nathan didn’t count because he was boring and moaning in self pity, and nobody was around to listen to her complain.

“Aaagh!” gasped Belbell finally waking up.

“Oh good you’re awake!” beamed a smiling Crimson. “Now back to our earlier conversation on the history of how to brew blood wine and how to drink it in class like a fancy rich vampire.”

“God you’re hands… They’re freaking freezing… It’s like you are dead or something!” commented Belbell.

Crimson stared at Belbell displeased and frowned.

“What…?” asked Belbell.

“I AM dead stupid mortal HUMAN. I’m a freaking vampire fool.” snarled Crimson offended. She slapped Belbell.

“You’re crazy Crimson! Please don’t hit me again!” whined Belbell as she raised her arms in front of her head in fear.

“That’s what I thought subordinate HUMAN female.” Crimson shouted, slapping her on the side of the face once more just to make whatever point it was she thought she had to prove.

Belbell ran off to cry somewhere because she apparently couldn’t take two mild slaps from Crimson.

“Baby come back…” Nathan called out, unsure about if he wanted to get up and follow her.

Nathan looked around and saw Crimson staring at him. Her eyes got bigger and he ran away scared.

“Wait for me Belbell!” whimpered Nathan in fear as he ran after her.

“Gah! Now I’m alone in the dark… Well well well… Not to fear Crimson… You are…. A creature of darkness!” hissed Crimson talking to herself.

Crimson looked around the warehouse and rubbed her chin in deep thought.

“Hmm…”

_______________________________________________________________

“Where are we going Belbell… I’m scared of the dark… Garsh…” complained Nathan annoyingly.

“Somewhere away from that freak who thinks she’s a vampire Nathan! Now tell me about how much prettier I look compared to the Goddess of Death. That’s Crimson if you didn’t guess it by now.” winked Belbell.

“Right…” Nathan said slowly, nervously glancing elsewhere.

A box rattled nearby and they both jumped.

“Oh my god… What is in the box… What is the in that box!? It moved!” screamed Nathan jumping up and down with his nerves rattled.

Belbell whacked Nathan on the back of his head with a fist. “Nathan… I KNOW. I SAW… Jeez…”

“You didn’t have to hurt me…” whimpered Nathan, rubbing the back of his sore head.

“Now be a man and open the box. I have to know what’s inside.”

“WHAT!? But you’re the one that wants to see what’s inside! You do it!” argued Nathan standing farther away from the box as Belbell did the opposite.

“Wussy boyfriend. Haven’t you ever heard of chivalry?”

“Chiv…alry?” Nathan slowly said puzzled. He shot Belbell a nervous grin of total confusion.

Belbell crouched down sighing and pulled the cardboard flaps on the box up. She shrieked instantly upon seeing the contents of the box. Nathan turned in place and was about to run away and leave Belbell alone to die when he heard Belbell exclaim “Oh my god… Nathan… They’re so freaking cute!!!”

“What’s cute?” asked Nathan, hoping it was possibly just a puppy.

“Look!” squealed Belbell holding up her arms, which embraced eight small Furbies lovingly.

“Oh…” said Nathan unimpressed.

“I love you mama. Feel my soft fur. Love me.” the Furbies said in unison.

“I will! I will!” promised Belbell hugging them.

Nathan growled at the Furbies jealous that they were stealing the hugs that were rightfully his.

To his horror as Belbell raised them up to her shoulder and hugged them again the Furbies’ faces all changed to evil I’m going to kill you faces.

“AAGH!!!” shouted Nathan terrified.

Their faces changed back to the sweet innocent normal Furby faces and Belbell lowered them back down to make kissy faces with them. Nathan cringed each time Belbell lowered her face down next to the Furbies mouths.

“Get rid of them!” pleaded Nathan to no avail.

“No! I love them and they love me and they’re coming home with us!” she yelled back unwilling to compromise. “You love me don’t you my babies?”

“Mama! We love you! Yes we do. Always will. Hug us. Feel our soft fur!” they said eerily in unison.

“Hey what were you guys doing in the box anyway… It had lots of duct tape… Why would anyone want to lock you poor sweet innocent things in there?” she asked them confused.

Nathan had many ideas on THAT running in his head even before SHE asked. The Furbies all turned to stare at each other than looked back at Belbell’s face.

“Uh… I dunno.” a Furby lied.

“Bank holiday?” a nervous Furby said randomly.

“Political prisoners!” another Furby shouted quickly.

“Because we ki- oh… Because we have too much love to give… Yeah…” another said.

“Duh…” a Furby stuttered unable of what to say.

“Political prisoners!” shouted the Furby that had said “Bank holiday.”

“Yeah yeah yeah! We’re… “political prisoners!”” the entire group shouted finally agreeing on a reason.

“You poor things. Well you’re coming home with me! Oooh I can’t wait to show you to Crimson!” squealed Belbell with pity in her voice, obviously not questioning the conflicting reasons.

Nathan blinked. “Wha… No leave them here. For the love of God Belbell! Please! If you love me you’ll leave them here.”

Belbell didn’t listen much to Nathan’s sadness…

__________________________________________________________________

Belbell and Nathan walked back towards the entrance and saw Crimson holding a huge super potato launcher the size of a rocket launcher over one of her shoulders.

“What the heck is that!? Where did you find that Crimson?” asked Nathan puzzled.

“Find? Wait wait wait. You think I FOUND this?” Crimson laughed strangely.

“Um… Yes?”

“Heh heh heh. Humans don’t know what I know… Heh… Heh…” mumbled Crimson amused lightly. “See what the Goddess of Death did? Hmm? HMMMM???” Crimson shouted at Belbell demanding to know.

“What!? How did you know I called you that!?” Belbell shouted aloud, dumbfounded.

“I’m a vampire… I have super hearing. A gur…” she replied back, sticking her tongue out mockingly at Belbell.

“What are you going to do with that…?” Nathan asked her, staring at a potato she was loading into the barrel of the potato launcher.

“Saving our lives fool. I have scratched our GPS coordinates and short but detailed message to Brad to come save us or else using an ancient admin speech taught to all admins.”

Nathan interrupted. “Why don’t I know the code then?”

“That’s because you’re the lowliest admin Nathan. You aren’t allowed to know if you are the lowliest admin. Just CAUSE. Now pay attention humans. I’m going to launch this potato… SEE IT? SEE THE POTATO.”

“What!?” Nathan shouted confused as to why he was asking her such a seemingly stupid question.

“I know you can’t see the potato… You humans have such terrible vision…” she commented before going on. “Anyway I rigged a parachute out of coffee filters, dental floss, and paper clips totally MacGyver style to this potato. And when it launches to it’s full potential the parachute will deploy, floating gently with the wind in the summer breeze until it find’s Brad. At which point Brad will read it and activate the alert beacon summoning a team of Megabuddies to come save our hides. But mainly you guys. I could escape if I wanted to. I’m a vampire you know. I just can’t go outside right now cause of the sun.”

“It was sunny when we came in…” Belbell pointed out to her slowly.

“Wha...” said Crimson realizing it was true… “Gah! No it wasn’t!” she shouted angrily totally in denial.

“Crimson you seem to have forgotten physics… A potato is heavy…. A coffee filter won’t hover in the air if it’s attached to a POTATO.” said Nathan.

“LIES. If you use LOTS of filters like I did it works perfect. I know… I’ve tried…” she grinned insanely, then hissed trying to seem mysterious and all knowing.

“And how is it going to FIND Brad. It’s JUST a potato…” frowned Belbell, strongly believing this proved her theory about Crimson being insane.

“That’s what you think… I told it to find him… It understands.” Crimson boasted proudly.

“You told… a potato?” Belbell raised a brow concerned for Crimson’s mental health.

“Yup! I understand them. I translated what I wanted and it said it’d do it’s best to find him and deliver the message for me.”

“O…kay…” mumbled Nathan and Belbell simultaneously.

“But still… Where did you get it?” Nathan re-asked Crimson.

“There are some things man was never meant to know… This is one of them.” Crimson coolly replied.

Crimson quickly raised the super potato launcher diagonally up into the air and pointed it at the ceiling. She squeezed the trigger firmly and the potato blasted up into the air. They all held their breath as it blew a hole into the ceiling with the impact, but did nothing else but splatter above them and then fall back down.

“Uh… That never happened.” Crimson assured them embarrassed.

Belbell, Nathan, and the evil Furbies watched as she took out another potato with a message and parachute and plopped it into her gun. Crimson raised it up and pointed it at the hole she had made with the first vegetable and fired.

The brown potato flew up into the air and went outside of the building. Eventually as it fell back down the parachute unraveled and the potato began hovering in the direction of Brad with the wind.

“See. I told you it’d work. CRAZY HUMANS. The crazy ideas of VAMPIRES are better than the crazy ideas of humans. Unlike the crazy ideas of your species, OURS work. Mmmph.” she bragged sticking out her tongue at Belbell and Nathan for doubting her insane plan.

Nathan and Belbell stared up at the ceiling with their jaws dropped in amazement.

“Mama. Feel our soft fur!” whined a Furby demanding attention from Belbell.

She ignored it and continued watching the potato drift away like dust in the wind.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.

Brad watched a small brown monkey scamper around the carnival as a man played the spoons. The monkey ran around to random people, rattling a tin cup, asking for handouts. Suddenly it looked at Brad and realized it hadn't gotten anything from him yet.

The monkey scurried up to Brad and tugged lightly on his blue jeans demanding spare change. Brad shook his head and the monkey growled at him, baring his fangs enraged. Brad frowned horrified and turned to run.

The monkey leaped onto Brad’s back and pulled his hair violently. Brad reached behind him and pulled the creature off of him then flung it at a clown’s head. The clown laughed as it saw the monkey flying towards him and opened his arms to hug it as it landed on his body.

The monkey screeched and bit him over and over in the clown’s arms and the clown screamed as it was being eaten alive. Brad turned to run but slipped on a funnel cake and fell on his back on the ground. The string for his balloon slipped from his fingers and he looked up to watch it float away with the wind, just in time to see a potato drop onto his head randomly.

“Aaaaaaaaagh!!!” screamed Brad as the brown vegetable bonked him in the forehead.

Brad blinked randomly and squinted at the potato, fearing it would suddenly change shape and attack him again. Brad crawled backwards on the ground, away from the “evil’ potato, until he noticed the ancient adminly scribbly language and markings Mega had inscribed onto the potato. Brad hurriedly reached out for the potato as he realized who it was from.

Suddenly the capuchin monkey screeched and scampered up to Brad’s hand and bit him violently on his index finger. Brad bashed it in the nose and reached for the potato again but the monkey picked it up in it’s paw and climbed up a tall wooden pole.

“Get down from there little monkey before I come kill you!!!” screamed Brad furious and sucking his wounded digit before having an epiphany and realizing the finger had been in a monkey’s mouth. Brad took his finger out of his mouth and spat several times onto the ground.

The monkey continued climbing up the pole ignoring him, laughing at him in monkey speech all the while. Finally it reached the top and sat on a long wire and screeched as it exploded into ash. Charred monkey bits flew everywhere as the monkey was electrocuted to death on the power cable.

“Mine!” shouted Brad as he put his arm into the air, catching the potato as it dropped to the ground.

Bits of blood and dead monkey landed on Brad quickly after. Brad spat dead monkey things away from his lips and groaned unamused. He then rolled the potato around in his hand as he read Crimson’s message.

“Oh no!” he said. “No! Not them!” he shouted. “Got to tell the others. This is too big for just me…” Brad said whipping out an admin phone from out of nowhere.

Brad systematically punched out digits into the cell phone and prayed that someone on the other end would answer.
___________________________________________________________

The phone rang loudly at the top secret Megabuddies Headquarters. The only people around to answer the phone were Simian and Zeldafan, but the pair were both too deeply immersed in playing their new Fire Emblem game for the Wii to notice the phone. It rang three more times before Simian realized someone was calling. He considered telling his amigo to get up and answer it but it stopped ringing and he ignored any previous thoughts.

Simian and Zeldafan were an odd couple. Though they got along pretty well, the two had differing styles on how they played video games and they often fought constantly on what to do while playing together.

“Move Michiah there!” Simian ordered Zeldafan, pointing at the screen.

Zeldafan turned to look at Simian, his bloodshot and sagging eyes meeting the similar ones in Simian’s sockets. They had been playing for hours without rest, finally showing signs of battle fatigue. But neither of the two wanted to quit playing.

They would rather wait til they went blind from the glare of the TV then quit now when they were getting so close to beating their game. They were determined to beat the system at Gamestop. They were focused on getting as much fun as they could get from Radiant Dawn in a one week time limit from when they purchased their used game, then quickly returning it to Gamestop citing disk defects to get their money back so that they could pull the same trick on the idiot employees again with Sonic and the Black Knight.

“No you idiot, that’s where major enemy reinforcements will show up next turn. They’ll kill us.” ZF argued.

“Exactly, they’ll go after her after her and Edward and Aran kill them.”

“Problem is that Michiah couldn’t survive an attack. Move her somewhere else Simian…” insisted Zeldafan trying to snatch the Wiimote from Simian’s clutches.

The phone rang again and they both looked at the phone. Simian snatched it back from Zeldan and told him to answer the phone.

“No you go pick it up. I’m trying to put Michiah in the place you don’t want me to so I can prove you wrong and achieve victory and restore my family’s honor.” Simian said firmly, aiming the Wiimote at the screen.

Zeldafan put his hand in front of the sensor bar halting Simian’s movements. “No you. It’s your turn. I got the club sandwiches earlier."

"NO!" hissed Simian.

"Gimme that freaking controller!” he shouted leaping onto Simian.

“Yeah right. I’ll show you!” Simian shouted, squirming out of Zeldafan’s arms and holding the controller up into the air.

Simian held the Wiimote up and relocated the character to the disputed square.

The phone stopped ringing.

Simian smiled proudly, looking at Zeldafan with a “I told you I was right” kind of grin, while Zeldfan watched a cut scene on the television.

Zeldafan was right. Enemy reinforcements did arrive and Zeldfan watched helplessly in frustration as the battle sequence video showed Michiah being slain, decapitated by an enemy soldier wielding a seventy eight percent rubber chicken made in ancient China. Zeldafan pointed at the screen silently and Simian turned to look at what his friend was trying to show him.

“Aaagh!!!” shouted Simian in despair. “Aah… AAAH!” he shouted over and over freaking out.

Simian handed Zeldfan the controller in shame.

“You have to be kidding me!” Simian muttered as he sat on the couch with his mouth hanging open.

“Bob Saget!” ZF cursed, “I told you that would happen you stupid ape lover!” he continued as his heart sank with a heavy feeling of despair as he watched the screen display the words “Epic Fail to End All Fails. GAME OVER. Need some Neosporin for that burn noob?” “Jeez Simian do you see what you did!? Because of you now we have to start all over.”

“Hey it’s not my fault we didn’t save. You’re the one too cheap to buy a freaking SD card for your Wii…” Simian said glancing away, trying to place some of the blame on Zeldafan.

The phone rang again. With no devotion being paid to video games, the pair’s attention was on the phone.

They argued quickly over who would go to pick it up, but Simian won with the silly excuse that Zeldfan should have to answer it, outranking him as a global moderator seeing as to how he was just a moderator in training. Zeldafan answered it sadly.

“Hello? No I’m not interested in buying whatever you’re selling.” Zeldafan said as he stared off into space, kind of out of it from his defeat in Fire Emblem.
_____________________________________________________________

“ZF, it’s Brad! Crimson, Cajun and the others are trapped in Wal-Mart! I just got a distress message! I’m going on a search and rescue mission, can I count you in? Survival is not guaranteed but I can guarantee that we should be back to HQ in time to watch Cash Cab!” Brad quickly said into the mouth of the phone.
_____________________________________________________________

“Wal-Mart?! Why in the name of all that’s good and righteous would they go back there!? They’re mad! Okay, we’re on our way man. Don’t worry. I’ll get Simian and we’ll come get you in the Adminmobile. Where are you!? Stay there. ” shouted Zeldafan taking responsibility and shaking off his slacker mode.
_____________________________________________________________
“I’m at the carnival in town ZF! Just try and get in the Adminmobile fast. I’m thirty minutes away from you.” Brad said worried. “We may be too late…” he muttered, holding his hand over the mouthpiece so that his friends couldn’t hear his negative worried concerns.
_____________________________________________________________

“I’ll be there in five.” Zeldfan told him, already planning on flooring it all the way on the road and not stopping for anything.

Zeldafan hung up and put the phone back on the table. He ran to Simian and told him to get up.

“What’s up?” asked Simian.

ZF briefly but thoroughly explained the situation to his friend.

“Oh boy, this ain’t gonna be good.” Simian said running to the bunks.

“Yeah, I know. We’d better get going, but first…” said Zeldafan.

Zeldafan hurriedly ran into his room and pulled out a fireproof box from under his bed, opening it and grabbing it’s contents. In his hands he held a long combat knife and a spray painted putter golf club.

“I hoped I wouldn’t have to get out the Holy Golf Club of Doom again. But never again will I leave you locked away again for so long…” Zeldafan sighed hugging his weapon.

“Hey man!” Simian whined “I need a weapon! What do you have for me Zeldafan?”

ZF hesitantly looked around the room and handed Simian an old, rusty can of expired recalled Scrubbing Bubbles.

“There. Happy?”

“Oh sure, you bludgeon them to death with a golf club and I’ll rid them of mildew.” Simian rolled his eyes clutching the metal can unhappy.

“Hey they pulled those things off the market back in 94 when they burned off the arms of twenty Chinese peasants working in a textile sweatshop. Seventeen people died. What are you unhappy about again? Just come on…”

The two ran to the underground cave that housed the Adminmobile, a pimped out ice cream truck, and leaped into the car in typical Duke fashion like Luke and Bo. Zeldafan stomped the gas and the vehicle zoomed out of the cave at lightning speed as they raced to pick up Brad on their mission to save their Megabuddy comrades.

“Go go go!” shouted Simian feeling the need for speed. “Wheee….. Hey can we stop for ice cream?”

Zeldafan stared at Simian and threw a quarter at his head for asking a stupid question. Simian simply grinned with big eyes really happy.

"Hey thanks man!"

Zeldafan concentrated on his reckless driving, constantly swerving and narrowly dodging innocent civilians crossing the road.

"When we pick up Brad, can we pick up Tom? We're going to need all the help we can get. I mean it's a WAL-MART Zeldafan..." suggested Simian.

"I concur..." said Zeldafan agreeing.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Right now I can hardly breathe!” sang a dude in his twenties that looked like he plucked his eyebrows as he hogged the ball during the last ten seconds of his team’s basketball game.

“Ooooooh, you can do it, just know that I believe!” squealed a girl, also in her twenties, who had stood up randomly to sing at her boyfriend during the biggest basketball game of the season.

“And that’s all I really need!” the sweaty guy told the girl in sing song as all the players and the audience waited silently for the song to end so that they could resume playing.

“Then come on!” sang the girl really high pitched as everyone in the audience but one sat quietly.

“Make me strong! It’s time to turn it up! Game on!” shouted the “boy” feigning fatigue and suddenly found inspiration.

The audience member who had been restless during the song suddenly screamed and jumped off the couch.

“Dude!!! Why the **** did you ask me to hang out at your house today! You said we were going to do something cool! “ screamed Tom, his face twitching and body involuntarily convulsing from the horrors of High School Musical Three: Senior Year.

“You don’t like this song Tom? Well guess what. It gets BETTER. This is only the first five minutes!” squealed Geo as he hugged his DVD copy of HSM3, which he had saved up for weeks to buy.

“Yeah Geo. Nothing like spending my weekend watching guys girls freak out over all sweaty and such singing and dancing randomly in some terrible Disney movie.” Tom said sarcastically.

“I knew you’d like it man! Sit back down!”

What is wrong with you!? “ gasped Tom backing away.

Tom eyed the DVD player and ripped the jacks from the back of Geo’s TV. He hurled the DVD player at the wall as hard as he could and it shattered to pieces.

Geo rushed over and dug out the damaged DVD from the insides of the player. He stared at it bitterly in silence then turned to the fireplace and snatched the end of a fireplace poker. Tom saw what was coming and had one thing to say.

“****...” he muttered before leaping over the couch past Geo as he dashed madly for the door.

Geo raised the fireplace poker into the air like a primitive caveman and arched it like a spear. He flung it at Tom’s head and Tom leaped forward under a table. The sharp end of the fireplace poker struck hard and poked through the other end right next to Tom’s head. Tom kicked the table upwards at Geo who was running for him again. Geo fell backwards and Tom got back up on his feet.

“Dude it was just a DVD! A DISNEY movie! Why are you so sore!? Please don’t kill me man!”

Much in the fashion of Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees Geo remained silent as he pursued his prey. He grabbed the end of the fireplace poker and kicked the table away from it, freeing it from the wood. Geo grabbed the table with a free hand and flung it to the side. Tom who was at the door was in the process of opening the portal to freedom. Geo hurled his improvised spear at Tom’s hands and Tom moved backwards narrowly avoiding getting hit.

The poker was wedged between the wood and Tom grabbed the door again and violently shook it trying to get it open. However it was now impossible and Tom looked around for an alternate exit. Not seeing one he decided to take the next best course.

Tom grabbed a shoe and hurled it at Geo who coughed as it hit him in the gut. Geo ran for Tom but he hightailed it in the alternate direction and burst through the screen window.

“Aaaagh… Why did it hurt so much! It was just a freaking screen door!?!?” commented Tom as he limped on the lawn trying to find somewhere to hide.

Geo grabbed his fireplace poker and exited the house using the front door. He ran at Tom maniacally with his arm swinging in all directions. Tom limped faster, now in the middle of the road.

“Dude **** off! This isn’t funny!” hollered a terrified Tom at his pursuer.

Geo caught up to Tom and grabbed his neck. Tom elbowed Geo in the face before he could stick him in the gut with the fireplace poker and fell to the ground. Geo kicked him in the ear in retaliation. Tom leapt to his feet and ran for Geo.
__________________

“Please… Please… Stop for ice cream Zeldafan…” begged Simian with a puppy dog face.

“Simian… Are you ever going to look around you. We are IN an ice cream truck. Just grab some in the back…” scowled Zeldafan getting severely annoyed.

“But you don’t understand man! We don’t have any ice cream!” insisted Simian.

“Simian what the heck are you talking about. I saw when we got in, we have loads of ice cream left.” Zeldafan replied hastily.

“No. All we have left are minty flavors… Blegh… I hate them. “ said Simian disgusted.

“What!? What happened to all the GOOD flavors Simian!?” shouted Zeldafan freaking out.

Zeldafan turned to look at Simian for an explanation.

“OH I remember…” he said flashing back to spring break in the Canadian Wilderness where he and Cajun were on a foolish quest to find Bigfoot.
__________________

“Why is Bigfoot attacking us Simian!?” cried Cajun in fear as he opened a window on the side of the admin-mobile and saw Bigfoot staring back at him angrily.

The Bigfoot roared and pressed it’s face against the glass. As it breathed condensation formed on the glass. Cajun shut the window quickly so the creature couldn’t see them and looked at Simian who was barricading the doors with boxes of ice cream.

“Well!?” Cajun repeated hoping Simian knew the answer.

“I don’t know…” Simian said.

“What do you mean you don’t know!? Monkeys are your thing.” Cajun shouted freaking out.

“We’re going to die… How are we going to open Bigfootland now…” sighed Simian, heartbroken that his and Cajun’s dreams of making a Bigfoot themed tourist trap complete with a live Bigfoot would never be fully realized.

“Oh great. You jinxed us Simian. Now that you said that we WILL die.” Cajun said grimly.

The admin-mobile began shaking and Cajun and Simian were flung into several boxes of ice cream sandwiches.

“What’s it doing!?” shouted Simian as he bonked his head on the wall.

“I think he’s trying to flip us…” said Cajun as glass broke somewhere beside them.

Outside the Bigfoot was indeed trying to flip the vehicle.

“I think it had too much sugar today. We should have never offered him that Coca-Cola as a sign of friendship! It wants more but we don’t have any!” said Simian as he landed face first on a grape flavored Popsicle.

The Sasquatch roared violently as it set the ice cream truck down, unable to flip it.

“That’s it! Let’s give it some ice cream!” shouted Cajun with an idea grabbing a spoon full of ice cream and opening a small window usually used for monetary transactions, or in this case tossing ice cream at a cryptid without getting your arms pulled off your body.

Simian and Cajun hurled some of the terrible flavors at the creature but it sniffed them and scowled unimpressed. It hollered and screeched angrily saying basically in Bigfoot roughly translated “What the **** is this **** you humans!?”. It picked up some of the ice cream in it’s hands and hurled it back at them enraged at the side of the vehicle.

“Well what do you know. Bigfoot hates the same flavors we do Cajun.” commented Simian as he and Cajun began hurling all the good flavors like Vanilla, Strawberry, and Chocolate at the creature.

The Bigfoot began happily nomming the ice cream and while it was occupied Cajun ran outside to grab the keys, which were in their tent. He ran back inside the admin-mobile and Simian hastily shut the door.

“Go go go.” shouted Simian as Cajun gunned the vehicle back for United States soil.

“We’re alive… Now let us never speak of this again.” Simian said blankly.

“Never again.” vowed Cajun.
__________________

Simian and Cajun never told anyone about their get rich quick scheme gone wrong of a Spring Break and Simian had no intentions of telling Zeldafan now.

“Eh… I forgot…” said Simian slowly. “OH MY GOD LOOK OUT!!!” he screamed pointing at Tom and Geo fighting in the road.

“What Simian?” shouted Zeldafan as he turned to see what was wrong. “Holy!”

Zeldfan swerved the admin-mobile sideways in the road all while retaining maximum speed and pushed a button opening the door to the vehicle.

“I’ll kill you!!!” shouted Geo lunging for Tom with the fireplace poker in the air.

Tom jumped backwards trying to dodge the stabbing weapon.

Zeldafan maneuvered the vehicle so that both Geo and Tom went into the vehicle and then closed the door. He gunned it again with the car facing a straight direction.

“Dude… Why is there a fireplace poker near my face…” said Simian freaking out, looking at the poker embedded in the vehicle right next to him due to Geo entering the vehicle right next to him.

Tom cowered behind Zeldafan.

“Zeldafan he’s trying to kill me!!!” shouted Tom. He suddenly saw the Holy Golf Club of Doom and reached for it to use to defend himself.

Geo pulled the fireplace poker out of the metal near Simian and swung it at Tom, who countered by raising the Holy Golf Club of Doom sideways in the air to keep the sharp thing from coming at him.

Tom kneed Geo in the chest and Simian opened one of the things containing ice cream in the back to help Tom. Geo and Tom struggled for control and Simian reached into the container to grab popsicles to hurl at Geo’s head. Instead of grabbing a frozen treat though, Simian however had grabbed something peculiar and strange. He pulled it upwards and realized it was Soma’s head.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!” he screamed stumbling backwards and landing on Geo who fell on Tom, who rolled over onto Zeldafan’s lap.

“Get off me Tom! I can’t drive!” Zeldafan shouted trying to push his friend off of him. “I can’t move my arm!”

Soma climbed out of the ice cream container with ice cream all over her face, hair, and clothes. She looked about as surprised at her presence as the rest of the Megabuddies.

“What are you doing here Soma…” asked Simian confused, staring at her. “Why were you um… In a thing full of ice cream?”

“I… don’t remember…” she whimpered…. “I can’t remember anything past the day before last! Where am I!? Why am I all sticky and why the heck are you guys here?”

“Tom get up!!!” shouted Zeldafan terrified.

“I can’t!!!” shouted Tom, squirming and unable to get up because Geo was sitting on him, still cross with him for destroying his terrible movie.

“Brace yourselves! We’re going to-“screamed Zeldafan at the top of his lungs, closing his eyes so that he wouldn’t have to see it happen.

The admin-mobile was swerving on the road and clipped a huge moose crossing the road. The moose slid off the windshield and the glass cracked with blood totally everywhere. The ice cream truck was even more out of control now and rolled three times on the ground before landing upside down in a ditch. The inside of the vehicle was silent.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


Brad looked around for the admin-mobile but didn’t see any sight of it in the distance. Some shady looking people randomly approached him.
_________________________________________________________________

Simian coughed loudly and grasped his lower chest in pain. He winced and looked around. Zeldafan was still in the driver’s seat hanging upside down due to his seat belt and looking around as well. Soma was missing in action. Tom was slumped over on the dashboard unconscious and Simian could barely see Geo outside the admin-mobile, who had been hurled out the windshield.

“Aagh…” Simian wheezed again and spat blood out.

Zeldafan banged the car horn angrily and began thrashing around insanely in the air. Suddenly when he struck it again he triggered the air bags, which had failed to deploy in time to keep Geo from going out the window.

Simian pushed Tom away from him and crawled for the back exit to the vehicle. He kicked the door open and puked miserably onto the grass.

Tom suddenly awoke when a loud noise near Zeldafan went off as he stabbed the bag with the Holy Golf Club of Doom to deflate it. Tom looked around confused and stumbled off somewhere as Zeldafan unbuckled himself and fell on a box of ice cream sandwiches.

“Uh… My head…” Zeldafan complained touching a dribble of blood going down the side of his face. “Hey where’s Soma…”

“In here… Unlock the freezer…” chattered Soma from the ice cream freezer.

Apparently she had gotten herself into the freezer yet again during the crash.

Tom opened it for her as he got out of the vehicle. Soma burst out from the freezer shivering and coated again in ice cream.

“La… La… Look what you da did to to… the Admin-Mobile… It’s ta ta to totaled…” Soma nagged pointing out the obvious.

Outside the admin-mobile Geo’s body randomly twitched in seizure like convulsions.

Zeldafan grabbed his Holy Golf Club of Doom and Simian’s can of Scrubbing Bubbles. Soma eyed the phone built into the admin-mobile and reached for it. Zeldafan quickly lunged at it and took it from her.

“NO! You can’t tell anyone…. We can’t call for help too…” Zeldafan muttered staring at her with the phone in his hands.

“What? How the heck are you going to drive this? It’s ruined.” Soma said. “Call AFL.”

“No. If Gbleek gets any idea of what happened here I’ll never hear the end of it. He’s always looking for something to use to get at me and knowing I did this is efficient enough.”

“Why should he call AFL.” Tom said slowly with his eyes closed, crouched outside the vehicle next to Simian.

“AFL has the spare Admin-Mobile Tom.” Soma informed him.

“We have a spare Admin-Mobile!?” Tom said aloud puzzled.

“We’ll never make it back to see Cash Cab now… We’ll end up missing Deadliest Catch and Man Vs. Wild at this rate too…” said Simian, walking over to the dead moose.

“Call him or I destroy your Wii Zeldafan.” threatened Tom.

“And I’ll destroy your 360 with the Holy Golf Club of Doom. You’re just a member. Do I need to put you back in line!?” argued Zeldafan annoyed.

“Hmm…” thought Tom as he weighed his options. “Know what I’ll be good.” he muttered sheepishly. He looked at Soma. “Sorry you’re on your own.”

Tom suddenly looked at Simian who was crouching down next to the moose carcass with a piece of broken glass. Everyone stared as Simian hummed quietly to himself and began slicing into the neck of the animal. Blood spurted onto Simian’s clothes from an artery he apparently struck.

“Oh dude! What the hell!? Get away from that thing. It was probably diseased or something.” shouted Zeldafan hurling the phone at Simian in a pathetic attempt to make him stop what he was doing.

Soma ran over and grabbed the phone. As Zeldafan realized what had happened he kicked the admin-mobile. There was a loud screeching noise and suddenly he saw green liquid at his feet. With his kick he had worsened the admin-mobile’s condition and he had busted the radiator to a state so bad that it was leaking anti-freeze all over the place like there was no tomorrow.

“AAAGH!!!” shouted Zeldafan upset as he went to stop Simian.

In the slight second that Zeldafan had turned his back, Soma had already called AFL on the phone and Tom apparently was fighting Simian now. Zeldafan ran over to get between the two of his friends and try to break it up like a goody goody, rather than deal with Soma and the unconscious Geo on the prospective victor.

“IT’S MINE!!!” shouted Tom.

“NO! FIND YOUR OWN!” Simian shouted back as he pushed Tom’s chest.

Tom shoved back hard. “I killed it Simian. I auto get dibs. You can have the &*(.”

“I was over here first! I cut it off! It’s going in my room!” snarled Simian swinging a punch at Tom’s face.

Tom took the punch and gave Simian one in return. Simian threw the piece of glass to the side and grabbed Tom. Tom grabbed him and they struggled for control as they fought. Suddenly they fell over to the ground and were rolling around in a pile of blood next to a dead moose carcass with flies laying eggs on it.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? GUYS STOP!” demanded Zeldafan diplomatically but with a firm authoritative voice.

“Zeldafan it’s mine! I called it first! He only wanted it when I told him what I was doing!” Simian shouted. He turned to Tom and head butted him as they wrestled.

“I WANT IT! MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!” Tom announced greedily reaching for the moose’s now severed head via Simian.

“NO! Zeldafan! See the size of that rack? It is big and it shall be stuffed and totally make my room look tacky and weird. I will give him a hat, sunglasses, and shall call him Bill. I can see it now.” said Simian right before Zeldafan took out the Holy Golf Club of Doom and bonked them both on the head.

“That’s enough…” he said slowly. “Wait… You’re fighting over who gets to mount the head of a moose we hit at 85 miles per hour on the wall… In their room…” he said blankly and astonished. "And why Bill..."

“Pretty much yeah.” they both said agreeing as they lay down on the ground.

"Just CAUSE" Simian said nodding his head insanely as to why he named the head Bill.

“WOW…” he said looking away embarrassed for a second that he knew them. “Fine I’ll settle this. Tom. Since Simian cut the head off he gets to keep it. You
automatically get dibs on the next moose we hit ok?”

"Hey! We'll never hit another moose and you know it Zeldafan. I want a moose head and I want that one!" Tom pouted staring at the head which actually seemed to be staring back at him and mouthing messages telling him to burn things.

“Ok…” Tom lied feigning acceptance. He figured he’d try and steal it back later when Zeldafan wasn’t there and Simian had his guard down.

“Good.” Simian said happily reaching for the severed head and putting it into a burlap sack.

Blood slowly dripped from the burlap sack emitting a horrendous stench.

“Tom help me put the rest of this moose in the freezer of the admin-mobile. We can save it for later.” Simian gleefully said grabbing the legs of the creature.

“Okay!” Tom said randomly agreeing and rushing to help, grabbing the front legs while Simian supported the back.

“Save it for later!? I thought we settled this…” Zeldafan face palmed.

“We did.” Tom said. “We’re going to eat it later!”

“What!?” shouted Zeldafan confused. “That.. THAT thing!?” He looked at it.

“Yup! That’s the plan! I mean… Do you see how nice and big and fat this moose is!? Surely it’s nice and tasty…” Simian said with his mouth watering.

“Yeah… You can have prime cuts if you want… You’re the one that nailed em with the admin-mobile anyway.” Tom laughed.

“No… Just no…” Zeldafan sighed looking at it about to puke.

“Your loss.” Simian muttered as they tossed the carcass into the freezer.

Zeldafan walked over to Geo and checked his wrist for a pulse. Geo’s eyes suddenly opened and he grabbed Zeldafan’s neck violently.

“I WANT MY DVD!!!” Geo roared completely ignoring his significant injuries.

“I don’t have it…” choked Zeldafan as Tom tiptoed off to hide behind a tree that was much too skinny to shield him from Geo’s view.

“Very… Very… BAD. But not for you...” hissed Geo shoving Zeldafan away from him and leaping to his feet.

Geo looked around like a predator searching for Tom. He saw him and howled. Tom screamed and climbed the tree to the tallest branch. Geo ran after him and sat at the bottom of the tree, howling and clawing at it like a hunting dog that’s treed a raccoon.

Zeldafan, Soma, and Simian ignored what was happening in the background and Zeldafan asked Soma about what AFL had said.

“He’s still on the phone. He wants to talk to you.” Soma said giving Zeldafan the phone.

Zeldafan stared at it nervously before putting it up to his ear.

Simian whispered at him. “Buh buh buh busted…”

“He… Hello? AFL?” Zeldafan said.
_____________________________________________________________
“Zeldafan I am not coming down there with the Admin-Mobile. If you want it you have to come back to base and get it yourself. “ AFL said slightly annoyed with being on the phone.
_____________________________________________________________

“But… can’t you just… come… pick us up?” Zeldafan asked him awkwardly.
_______________________________________________________________

“No man… Extreme Kangaroo Boxing is on and there’s going to be a midget having a fight with a joey after the next commercial. No way am I going to miss this… Sorry! Wish I could help but you see my dilemma I hope.” AFL told him sadly.
______________________________________________________________
“What’d he say!? What’d he say!?” asked Soma, licking her fingers because she tasted so sweet and sugary from all the ice cream.

Zeldafan held his hands over the phone and spoke. “He says he can’t come pick us up because he’s watching Extreme Kangaroo Boxing right now and he wants to see a midget fight a joey…” Zeldafan said disgruntled, totally not agreeing that AFL’s dilemma was important.

“A midget fighting a kangaroo… They have shows like that now?” Soma pondered aloud. “What the hell…. Oh yeah they canceled a show I liked and replaced it with this crap…” she muttered unhappy.

“Oh snap! That’s on right now!? I wanted to see that!” groaned Simian in self pity. “Zeldafan tell him to tape it for me!”

“No.”

“Please!” he hissed again.

Zeldafan answered the phone again. “Sorry. We’ll be there in about thirty minutes… Just have it all geared up and ready to go… And make sure there’s decent ice cream in it…”
___________________________________________________________
“It’s on! Hey man I got to go! Later!” AFL shouted into the phone as the commercials ended.
______________________________________________________________
“TELL HIM TO TAPE IT!” hollered Simian, snatching the phone.
_____________________________________________________________
AFL heard him and replied. “Will do Simian! OH!!! MAN if you could see THIS!”

“Thanks! Bye dude!” Simian shouted happily.

“Okay let’s go!” said Zeldafan.

“Is everyone accounted for?” asked Simian looking around.

Soma and Zeldafan looked at Geo and Tom. Simian looked at them as well when he saw them do so. Tom was hugging the tree branch like a trapped cat for dear life as Geo jumped up and down trying to grab him. Suddenly the branch snapped and the branch Tom was lying on cracked and separated from the tree. Tom landed violently on the ground and he writhed around in excruciating agony.

“My &*(!!! My &*(!!!” he shouted, telling his friends where it hurt.

Geo grabbed Tom to strangle him but Simian intervened.

“NO! BAD GEO!” he shouted angrily. Simian bopped Geo on the nose.

Geo whined and ran a safe distance away from Tom and watched the group.

“That’s a good Geo…” said Simian.

Kind of rushed the new chapter. But at least it's kinda the epically lame chase I wanted. <_< Still not in a great mood. <_<

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Keep running!” shouted Cajun out of breath, turning his head to look briefly behind him at the evil janitor and Tickle Me Elmo trying to kill them.

“I don’t wanna die! I didn’t play all the games I wanted!” cried Gbleek, rushing over to a shelf as he ran, grabbing things and hurling them at the floor, trying to slow down their pursuers.

The janitor began wheezing from being terribly out of shape and slipped on a box of macaroni that Gbleek had thrown onto the ground. He got back to his feet and waddled off to his janitorial ride that he used for his janitorial duties on the premises. As he got onto it the machine squeaked in pain from his fat butt as it crunched lightly and pressed against the floor from him being so freaking heavy.

“I’m going to shove my broomstick so far up your &*(, every time you even think, it’ll be about the broomstick I shoved up your &*(!!!” roared the mutant janitor, turning the key on the machine and flooring it for Cajun and Gbleek.

“Elmo think that funny! Hee Hee!” shouted the Elmo gleefully with lust to kill.

“Wait what?” Cajun and Gbleek both pondered aloud at hearing his most recent death threat.

The machine sped for Cajun and Gbleek at an epic five miles per hour, the maximum speed that the machine could do. Cajun and Gbleek simply stared at it, petrified by fear and unable to move.

“DIE!!!” shouted the Janitor as he gunned it, leaning forward with anticipation.

“Aaaagh!!!” screamed Cajun and Gbleek.

They leaped to the side and narrowly dodged the janitor. The janitor snarled, as an insulting to the eye boil on his neck pulsated grotesquely, as he collided with a shelf full of canned peas. He began going in reverse and the machine beeped as it did so. Cajun and Gbleek ran for another machine like the one that the Janitor was on.

The Janitor decided to pick them off rather than try and get both in one hit and swerved for Gbleek in reverse but Gbleek did a barrel roll and he missed.

“Get on get on!” yelled Cajun, turning the key and turning on the machine.

“Just go man! Go go go!” shouted Gbleek running for Cajun and climbing on.

Cajun stared at the machine briefly with a puzzled expression. Gbleek looked at Cajun, wondering what why it was taking so long for him to initiate their fleeing.

Cajun suddenly pressed the gas and it jettisoned past the incoming janitor.

“I’ll clean my warehouse of your filth. Just like the toilets in the main store! Ha ha ha ha!” shouted the Janitor, hurling a filthy brown used toilet brush at them.

“EW…. INCOMING TOILET BRUSH! DODGE IT!” screamed Gbleek, leaning towards Cajun, trying to refrain from touching the incoming projectile.

Gbleek leaned forward and grabbed the wheel from Cajun, turning it suddenly to the side so that it missed the toilet brush, scraping the vehicle on the shelves and causing various things to fall at their laps. Cajun grabbed a candy bar and began to open it happily, only to have it snatched from his hands and devoured by his friend once he had peeled off the wrapper.

"Thanks Cajun." said Gbleek, licking chocolate off of his hands.

"That was mine..." groaned Cajun, now opening a different candy bar and eating it.

Cajun regained control of the wheel and moved back to the middle of the aisles. Suddenly he saw in the mirror under the words “Warning! Objects May Be Closer Than They Appear!” the janitor beside him. He looked just in time to see the Elmo flicking him off. Cajun reached his arm forward and snapped the Elmo’s finger off with his hand.

“AAAGH! ELMO KILL YOU! ELMO KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! ELMO MAKE YOU PAY! AAAGH. You.. HURT ELMO!!!” it howled in pain.

Gbleek threw a Bill Clinton bobblehead at his mouth to shut him up.

“You hurt my friend… For that your deaths will be prolonged… EAT THIS!” the janitor said, suddenly swerving the wheel towards Cajun.

The janitor rammed the side of their vehicle into the shelves and the Elmo leaped off the mutant. A knife fell from a shelf and the Elmo grabbed it and lunged with it at Gbleek, who defended himself with recently fallen plastic cutlery. Cajun swerved to the side against the mutant janitor who had reached for a holster containing a spray bottle full of Windex. Cajun briefly got out of his seat and kicked the man’s arm several times, struggling to keep him from getting the spray bottle.

The man grunted and grabbed Cajun’s foot and stabbed it with a pen.

“Aaaagh!” screamed Cajun, pulling back his foot.

Cajun pulled the ink pen from his foot and threw it to the side.

“Elmo gonna **** you up boy!” it smirked, still talking in third person. The Elmo swung at Gbleek again. But he blocked him with a spoon, and then picked him up and threw him at the Janitor.

The Janitor grabbed him with his free hand, and put him on his shoulder, then sprayed Cajun in the face with the Windex several times.

“HA!” he laughed.

“AAGH. It burns! God make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!.” screamed Cajun as his eyes became blurry and red and all watery.

Cajun rammed the Janitor to the side and Gbleek ***** slapped him on the head .

The Janitor suddenly pulled out a 9mm pistol, growing tired of their ever slow chase.

“Oh *!@ man go faster!!! I SAID GO FASTER!!!” Gbleek screamed at Cajun insanely complete with radical hand gestures to describe the urgency.

“I can’t! It’s all it’s got!” shouted Cajun looking at Gbleek.

“This thing only goes five miles per hour!? What the heck!?” Gbleek groaned staring at the filthy thing they were on, that cleaning thing the janitor rides around on in buildings.

“This piece of crap isn’t worth it man!” shouted Cajun, turning their ride in reverse.

“Cajun… Not this way. Other way… Hello… Hello!?” screamed Gbleek waving his hands in front of Cajun’s face.

The janitor raised the pistol laughing with the Elmo in unison evilly.

Cajun ignored him.

“Ha ha ha ha… ELMO WANTS TO PLAY!!!” cackled the Elmo behind them.

“You’re never leaving my Wal-Mart. Ha ha ha ha.” the Janitor shouted at them evilly, steadying his aim for the head of Gbleek so that it was in line with Cajun so he could kill them both with one shot, and in the process of pulling the trigger.

The two vehicles slammed into one another and Cajun and Gbleek went flying in the air from the impact as an epic fiery explosion which narrowly missed them ensued below them. The Janitor, who was too freaking huge and morbidly obese to fly through the air like Cajun and Gbleek was stuck on the vehicle and screamed with the Elmo. The Elmo had been hanging onto the Janitor to brace itself for the impact so it hadn’t gone anywhere either. The gun flew out of the man’s hands and into Gbleek’s.

The two abominations were engulfed in orange and yellow flames as Cajun and Gbleek soared through the backroom. They both suffered long and died horrible horrible deaths from burn wounds that went untreated.

“Hoping we land back where we started…” said Cajun frowning.

Gbleek silently nodded as they descended towards their friends. He looked at the gun and put it in his back pocket.

Within forty five seconds they ended up landing randomly right on top of Nathan, who cushioned their fall…

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


Nathan was silent, staring in cold sweat fearfully at the Furbies. They glared back at him. One growled and another’s lips trembled aggressively. Nathan blinked. The Furbies did the same in unison, trying to psyche him into doing something drastic. Nathan couldn’t take it anymore and looked at his surrounding environment. He grabbed a monkey wrench and raised it up in the air, running for Belbell.

The Furbies had won.

“Mama! Mama! Mama! Defend! Defend! Defend! Evil man try hurt us!” chirped the Furbies all at once at Belbell.

Belbell saw Nathan about to strike the Furbies with the wrench and kicked him savagely in the junk. Nathan stumbled weakly sideways groaning in pain.

“Hee hee…” giggled the Furbies.

“Don’t hurt my babies Nathan! Just because you don’t like em, isn’t a justifiable reason to scratch em out of existence.” snapped Belbell.

The Furbies blew raspberries at Nathan.

“I’m going to nibble on your lips first… They’re like big juicy worms… What do I like any way… I dunno… I’m made of plastic… But I’m willing and open to new things… Like… HUMAN FLESH.” the Furbies told Nathan through a telepathic mind link.

“Aaaagh…” cried Nathan, looking up in hopelessness.

“AAAGH!!!!” he shouted in shock as Gbleek and Cajun fell on top of him.

“Nice catch Nathan.” said Cajun, getting up off of his soft landing pad.

Gbleek didn’t even acknowledge that he had landed on his friend, he simply stood back up and walked off his body, taking careful care to make sure that he tread on Nathan’s face.

Nathan didn’t move, but instead a slow whistling, kind of painful sounding wheezing, emitted from his open but motionless mouth.

“Crimson! You have no idea what the hell we’ve been through! We’v-” began Cajun.

“You two?” snarled Crimson. “You left me for dead with these two fools… Why did you forsake your friend when you needed her most?” asked Crimson insulted.

“Uh… What?” asked Cajun confused.

“But Crimson… You said just a while back that you were already dead… I said you felt like you were dead...” said Belbell.

“Even vampires have feelings you know… Just a figure of speech mortal twit.” Crimson hissed.

“But if you’re already dead, why are you complaining about being left for dead? It’s not like you can die if you’re immortal…” Gbleek pointed out, stomping violently on a cockroach that had scurried onto Nathan’s back.

Nathan woke up and felt the cockroach squish on his back. “WHAT? What’s that?” he shouted, reaching for his glasses.

“Dunno…” laughed Gbleek evilly, skipping off to look at the strange things in Belbell’s arms.

“Just because I can not die does not mean I can’t get lonely and feel left out. Vampire people have feelings too you know… It’s not like I was born without them. I was once a human at some point in my life.” pouted Crimson, too proud to admit that she loved her friends back and needed them too.

Crimson began staring off at something that the others couldn’t see in the distance. She went silent for a minute and Cajun and Nathan stared at her awkwardly. They looked around themselves from where they stood cautiously and didn’t’ see anything.

“What are we looking for again…?” asked Nathan.

“SHH!!! It’s looking our way… Beyond that box with a lawnmower on the cover… Yeah…. See it? It’s watching us… Oooh it just moved see?” she quickly interrupted before going silent again.

Nathan and Cajun looked at each other with a “what the hell is happening” expression.

“I don’t see anything either… If it comforts you to know that fact…” Cajun said to Nathan.

“Okay it’s gone.” Crimson joyfully announced, turning her face back to look at Cajun.

“Do I even want to ask?” said Cajun.

“What you can’t see, CAN’T kill you. What you don’t know about CAN.. At least what I saw can’t anyway… It’s not a very big one…” Crimson lectured him as Nathan trembled in fear.

Cajun blinked uncaringly.

___________________________________________________________

“What the heck!? Where did you find these little buggers?” Gbleek asked puzzled, as he pulled his throbbing red finger back towards his chest, after a hostile Furby attacked his hand when he reached forward to pet it.

“No Petting. Only Mama!” shouted the Furby, spitting on Gbleek’s face.

“I’ll Mama you!” barked Gbleek in a furious uproar, grabbing the Furby from her hands and running off.

“MAMA! SAVE ME!” it screamed in fear.

The other Furbies screeched high pitched in unison shrilly, trying to get Gbleek to drop their pal in pain from the noise.

“GBLEEK LET IT GO! I’LL SAVE YOU!” shouted Belbell, dashing madly to save her new pet.

“You and me… Are going to have a few minutes of… Playtime together…” whispered Gbleek to the Furby ominously.

The Furby gulped in fear of what had yet to come.

The other Furbies were shocked. They hadn’t expected Gbleek to not be a whiny pushover like the last human male they had attacked recently. They made a mental note to not screw with this kid again…

Gbleek immediately dashed off to a hiding spot to destroy the Furby in some inhumane and violent way.

___________________________________________________________

“Crimson. We can’t stay here. We got to leave this place… I think it’s worse than what’s on the other side of that door!” Cajun pointed at the doors they had pushed boxes in front of to keep the employees and other evil creatures from coming in to kill them.

“NO! Tis dark here… Tis nice…” Crimson said, sniffing the air. “It reeks of the stagnant stench of death though. Glad I’m not like you. Heh heh.” she smirked. “Besides I can’t go out in the sunlight I thought I told you… I’m a vampire. Creature of night. The works. If I go outside I’ll die… For real… Again I guess… I’m already kinda dead anyway…”

Crimson stroked her chin, suddenly beginning to question her status as a vampire, on how if she died would she die the second time, or would this be her one and true demise.

“Crimson… Stop being insane. And listen to me… These Furbies… These damn… Damn… THINGS…” he cringed and pointed a trembling finger at Belbell’s Furbies. “I keep telling you…” He turned to Cajun. “Cajun you got to believe me… They wanna eat me! They’re not what they seem I swear! Don’t let me die down here!” he cried.

“Right… And I got attacked by a Tickle Me Elmo. Furbies don’t have arms to stab you a thousand times. You’re complaining about Furbies!?” Cajun said annoyed, shoving Nathan away from him.

Nathan snapped.

“Ah… Oh god let me out!” Nathan shouted rushing for the entrance.
_________________________________________________________________
A high pitched screech echoed in the distance, an electronic scream that informed everyone that Gbleek had slain his prisoner.

An angry scream from Belbell followed with curses and tearful rage ensued. Gbleek ran back to the others for protection.
______________________________________________________________

“Human! Stop! Your efforts are futile. My can stacking skills are better than yours. You are destroying the fortifications rather than aiding in their upgrading and modification.” Crimson sternly said to Nathan. “Watch.”

Crimson picked up a can of corn that was by her foot and threw it in the direction of the boxes Nathan was destroying.

Nathan had bolted to the boxes, and had begun desperately shoving them to the sides and tearing them up. The can of corn landed neatly on the very top, facing upwards.

Crimson grinned smugly.

“I know! I got to get out… Got to get out… They’re gonna eat my lips… Inside my head… Got to get at first…” muttered Nathan, totally not making much sense to anyone except the Furbies.

The Furbies smiled innocently with starry eyes.

“I’ll kill you for what you did to him!” shouted Belbell, grabbing a crowbar and running for Gbleek.

“Holy!” said Gbleek, glancing around himself for something to arm himself with. “Crud…” he muttered upon realizing nothing was there.

Belbell began swinging her free arm madly, the metal crowbar now a metallic grey blur in the air.

Gbleek hightailed it.
_________________________________________________________

“STOP NATHAN! You’re mad! You’ll kill us all you bloody fool!” Cajun hollered, grabbing Nathan.

“For making an attempt upon my life, I now make Cajun lowliest admin. Nathan you are demoted to member.” Crimson announced quickly most displeased.

“I’m walking on sunshine….” Nathan began singing insane, struggling to break free from Cajun.

Cajun pulled him backwards onto the floor and elbowed him in the face out cold.

“Cajun help me! I’d hate for it to not be you that kills me after all we’ve done to destroy each other!” Gbleek whimpered, clinging on the top of a shelf as Belbell swung at his feet inches below.

The Furbies opened and closed their mouths hungrily, waiting for Gbleek to fall down dead, so they could enjoy fresh meat in it’s prime. Visually in appearance they looked like baby birds in a nest greedily demanding food when the mother returns with a meal.

“Ooooh…” said Gbleek suddenly seeing something up in the air above where Cajun was currently standing.
__________________________________________________
“Crimson, subdue the angry mother while I get Gbleek!” Cajun shouted to Crimson.

“Okee.” Crimson said slowly walking towards Belbell from behind.
_____________________________________________________
Gbleek grabbed a bottle of drain-o and poured it into the eagerly waiting mouths of the Furbies that wanted him as their next meal. All but one closed their mouths in time, the unfortunate thing gulped down a feast’s worth and promptly died, it’s circuits frying and eyes rolling backwards until they were just white.

“HA HA HA! Two nothing Belbell! You’re move!!!” cackled Gbleek triumphantly, hurling the empty plastic container at Belbell’s face.

“Aaargh. Baby?” she looked down realizing he had killed another.

The Furbies were crying and eating their dead family member simultaneously.

“That’s weird but a Furby thing I guess. Poor Jethro!!!” she said as her voice began to choke up.

“Brother!!!” the Furbies cried out loud, in between mouthfuls of artificial fur and plastic chunks.
__________________________________________________________
Crimson’s eyes widened really big, in the kind of eerie way.

“That’s kind of gross Crimson… Just saying.” Cajun commented sheepishly.

She tuned him out and concentrated. Crimson’s reflexes suddenly went primal and she leaped onto the back of Belbell, placing her hand onto the back of the girl’s neck. Belbell gasped loudly and then promptly fell over dead.

“Holy crap you killed her! Hooray!” cheered Gbleek as Cajun helped him climb down the shelf.

“What!?” said Cajun turning to look at Belbell slumped over on the ground, chest facing the ground.

Underneath Belbell’s body, ravenous munching could be heard underway as the Furbies ate Jethro.

“Eh.” Crimson shrugged unsurprised by their reactions as her eyes changed back to their normal form.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Nah. It’s just her current appearance that makes you guys think that. She’s just unconscious. I messed with some nerve… Forgot what it’s called… I’m not good with human anatomy…” Crimson said, punching into a crate of blood oranges with a curled up fist. “If you want her to live through the night I recommend that you turn her over on her side. By the way I said IF.” Crimson said casually.

With that being said Crimson pulled an orange out of the wooden crate and raised it to her mouth. Crimson bared her dentally added vampire fangs that her Vampire foster family had had the dentist put in her mouth so she would fit in better, grinning. She bit deeply into the citrus fruit and juice squirted on her hands. She began chewing on that one mouthful for a couple of minutes silent with nothing further to say.

“Aww….” Gbleek moaned disappointed.

Gbleek ran up and savagely kicked Belbell in the shin several times.

“Gbleek stop! Crimson said she’s still alive!” Cajun said disapprovingly, but unwilling to actually do anything about it.

“Where’s Nathan?” asked Gbleek.

Crimson nodded in the direction of where Cajun left him.

Gbleek turned to look and laughed.

“Heh heh heh. Aha.”

“We had to um… incapacitate him for a while. Situation arose where that was the best option in a worse case scenario, friend tries to doom us all in insanity…” Cajun said, scratching the back of his head nervously, eying the big red mark on the side of Nathan’s face from where he hit him.

“Well forget Nathan and Belbell. I have something more cool to talk about anyway. Cajun! While I was in the air I saw a vent up there! I don’t know where it goes, but if it goes anywhere out of here I’m open to wherever it leads… I’m not staying here to wait for a freaking Elmo to try and hit my head with an ice pick again!” Gbleek revealed.

Crimson raised a brow and didn’t say anything. She simply noisily munched on the blood orange again and threw a piece of the peelings randomly to the side.

“I’m game. Where is it?” Cajun said jumping upon hearing the news.

Gbleek grabbed Crimson and Cajun’s hand and led them to a point so that they stood directly below it.

“Oh my… It looks just big enough for us to fit in there. Do you think it can take the weight though?” muttered Cajun staring at it.

“I dunno. Well Crimson will definitely fit. Look how skinny she is.” Gbleek pointed out.

Crimson spat an orange seed at Gbleek’s face in response to his somewhat negative opinion of her figure.

“I think her market lamb for 4-H weighed more than she does now… A lamb Cajun!” he said.

“It did…” Crimson said slowly, eying Gbleek down and biting violently into her snack.

“Uh okay… Sorry.” Gbleek whispered, putting his hands in front of himself defensively.

“Well we should try it anyway. We stay here we die.” said Cajun.

Crimson simply nodded, for she had decided to be a yes woman for this chapter.

“How we going to get up there though?” asked Gbleek, jumping up and down trying to reach the metal underside of the vent but failing each time. “I’m too short…” He looked at Crimson realizing that she was too short as well.

Crimson squinted back at him, realizing what he was currently thinking. Gbleek quickly looked at Cajun. Cajun jumped up and couldn’t reach it either.

“Damn. It’s still a few feet out of my reach… Hey find a ladder you guys. We can pop the end of the vent off with that crowbar Belbell found.”

Crimson took one last bite out of her orange and threw the remains onto the ground. She weakly crouched down on her knees and shakily vomited a small amount of the orange out onto the floor.

Crimson wiped her face with her sleeve. She groaned miserable.

“I never should have eaten that orange… Damn human food… Only blood can provide me with the sustenance and proper nourishment that I, a growing vampire girl, needs… If only I knew how to stop my body from getting these strange cravings for everything but blood…” Crimson said to herself aloud for all to hear.

“Crimson, you’re only puking cause you can’t eat too much or you get sick. Hell you even got sick when you ate a single strawberry one time, don’t you remember?” Gbleek said as he began walking off in search of a ladder.

Crimson paused. “Be quiet Gbleek. I am too a vampire…” she snarled at him in denial. “I am… I have to be…” she sadly muttered knowing that he was probably right, and wondering why she had never actually asked her vampire parents why she had to have her vampire teeth added by a dentist among many other peculiarities.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


Brad looked at a bearded lady who was standing in front of him. He looked all around him. The carnival’s freak show had formed a one hundred and eighty degree circle around him.

“Uh… Can I help you er…” Brad began but paused unable to continue.

He grimaced and stared at a contortionist at his three o’clock.

“Go on. Say it. Finish it.” said a pair of Siamese twins, both wielding a pair of nunchuks.

“Freaks…” said Brad looking down at a midget facing him on his nine o’ clock.

“Yeah that’s right. We’re freaks. And we don’t like you on our turf.” trumpeted the dwarf in a shrill high pitched voice.

Brad laughed out loud then quickly placed a hand over his mouth. “Um… Your “turf”? Did I hear that right?”

“You think that’s funny huh? You’ll learn not to mess with the freakshow. Let’s get him!” shouted a woman in a man’s voice, clearly a transvestite.

“Did IT just say something!?” gasped Brad in horror. “Wait I’m getting jumped by a freakshow. Snap…”

The freaks jumped him, along with the rest of the freakshow and they began engaging in hand to hand combat, with the exception of the nunchucks that the Siamese twins had armed themselves with.
______________________________________________

“Oh dang we’re finally back at Megabuddies HQ…” panted Soma, falling backwards onto a leather recliner passed out exhausted.

Soma began to snore almost immediately. Meanwhile Simian was in an epic race for the entertainment room with multiple Televisions on the walls, just like how at Wal-Mart there are tons of TV sets on and they all have the same thing on, except at MB HQ they all had different channels on for maximum productivity for the everyday multitasking couch potato.

“Oh man. If you missed this I feel sorry for you! This has clearly been the match of a century! We’ll never see something like this fight in our entire lifetime or our children’s either! I hope you had your friends record this historic viewing event in the history of kangaroo boxing!” hollered an announcer on the TV that AFL was watching.

The TV went to a Pepperidge Farms commercial.

“Dear God. Sounds epic. Thanks AFL for recording it for me!” Simian said gleefully walking over to the DVR.

“Wait what!?” AFL muttered nervously.

“Thanks for recording it… You… did remember to record it right?” Simian said, suddenly rushing to check the DVR.

“Uh…” AFL squirmed anxiously in his seat, looking around the room for the nearest exit and best place to hide from Simian in the next ten seconds.

Simian turned it on and his face contorted as his heart sank upon seeing the menu for the DVD, with no recordings on the disc.

“YOU DIDN’T RECORD IT!? AAAGH!!!” shouted Simian leaping onto AFL’s face screeching like an enraged monkey.

AFL screamed for help but ZF’s stomach grumbled unhappily and he took a quick stroll to the kitchen to meet it’s insatiable demands.

“I’m going… I’m going…” Zeldafan told his tummy, holding it hungrily with one hand.
_________________________________________________________

The rest of the freak show were roughing Brad up and the dude that can take a cannonball to the chest was holding Brad’s arms back while his friends were beating Brad up. Brad wasn’t able to take twenty four freaks by himself. Brad coughed blood up onto the dress of one of the Siamese Twins. One of the women suddenly bashed him in the head unconscious with her nunchuk.

“Tie the drone up! We’ll burn him alive!” shouted the dwarf, grabbing some rope from a nearby stand.

“No wait!!! Look at him… Do you think he could… Be the one? The one we’re waiting on?” interrupted a fire-breather, going up and examining Brad’s bruised and bloodied body. “He is… The one…” he whispered.

The crowd of freaks began to chatter amongst themselves at their discovery.

“We can use him… He is the long prophesized “Human Werewolf”! The only freak that is absent in our attraction! With his transformation into the human werewolf our collection of tortured souls and the freak show gallery will be COMPLETE.” shouted a man with one eye, kind of like a cyclops.

“I’m sorry. I thought we had a human werewolf…” the bearded lady interrupted, scratching her beard.

“We DID.” said the man-lady. “He’s dead now.”

“How did he die?” the bearded lady asked.

“Hmmm... Why I do believe that it was a boating accident.” said the midget with a grim face.

The strongman took off his hat and the freaks all had a moment of silence.
__________________________________________________________

Simian felt a tug behind his neck on his shirt and was suddenly thrust backwards onto the ground away from AFL.

AFL was still screaming in fear, Simian screeching maniacally with fangs bared.

“Knock it off you two.” Laclipsey said to the two of them, hurling a remote at Simian. “Simian just order it On Demand… AFL stop crying and getting snot all over the carpet. We had to do a bank job just to get it…”

“It’s not that priceless Laclipsey…” AFL whined back. “You’re so cheap you insisted we just swap price tags on it AFTER we went to the trouble of doing a bank job to get the damn thing. It’s enraging.”

“Hey! And we got a Persian Rug for HQ for “$7.53” after tax. Back off AFL."

“Why didn’t you just tell me it was on demand AFL!? I wouldn’t have tried to bite your ear off!” Simian snarled upset.

“You… tried to bite… My ear off?” AFL muttered slowly, reaching in terror for his ear, which much to his relief was still intact and in one piece.

“Yeah… Hmm… I’ll be right back…” Simian said casually, looking around at Laclipsey and AFL who was still crying on the floor.

Simian got up off the couch and took a stroll to a closet.
________________________________________________________

Zeldafan came out of the well stocked MB snack food hoard and looked around at the group and quickly noticed someone was missing.

“Where’s Simian?”

Laclipsey shrugged.

“He tried to kill me… And you didn’t help me…” sniffled AFL.

Zeldafan raised the Holy Golf Club of Doom in the air threateningly at AFL, telling him to shape up or else. AFL raised his arms defensively in front of his face.

“I’ll be good!” AFL shouted.

“I NEED to find Simian…” Zeldafan whimpered, his eyes darting left and right.

Zeldafan randomly noticed a closet in the distance with a shadow moving under the door.

“Aha… Found you ya little bugger…” Zeldafan skipped happily to the closet.
__________________________________________________________

Simian jumped as the door knob turned on the closet door. Zeldafan quietly entered the room and stared at Simian silently. Simian stared at Zeldafan with big eyes.

Zeldafan looked back at him with big eyes as well.

“You have something… I need my friend…” said Zeldafan slowly.

Simian smacked his own lips lovingly.

“I wonder what….” Simian lied, pretending not to know.
___________________________________________________________

Brad blinked in pain and groaned.

“Oh my head… Gah… Where… Where am I?” he muttered looking around with blurry vision.

He slowly turned his head with great effort and looked around. Brad was tied up in a huge metal cage with big iron bars. It was dark inside and there was a cloth covering the end so that he couldn’t see outside.

“What!? Help…” he groaned barely able to talk. “Somebody please help me… Help….”
_________________________________________________________

Zeldafan leaned in towards Simian’s face and sniffed him awkwardly. Simian stared back with nothing to say.

“Hmmph. Hmmph. Hmmph.” Zeldafan sniffed him and smiled approvingly. “You smell extra lovely today. What’s your secret might I ask?” Zeldafan smiled.

“Oh you know. Fancy cologne samples in magazines. I rub em against my skin until I smell like rich peoples! Ah. Now I smell like royalty.” giggled Simian.

“You know what I need Simian… May I?” whispered Zeldafan in a low voice lustfully, looking all over at Simian’s body questionably.

Simian looked at him pondering in his mind over whether he wanted to do this and made a choice.

“You don’t have to ask Zeldafan. Just don’t tell.” Simian said pointing at his tush.

Zeldafan placed his hand on the back of Simian’s pants and grinned insanely with the face and look of a mad-man.

“YES… YES…” groaned Zeldafan.

Simian simply smiled, happy with the fact he had made one of his best friends happy.
________________________________________________________

“Help me… Please… Is there anybody out there… Hel... Hello….” he muttered weakly. “What’s wrong with me…” Brad thought as he began breaking out in a cold sweat.

His vision began to worsen and he began violently thrashing around in his cage, which had the steel bottom covered with hay thrown astray.

Brad fell backwards and slumping on his side he noticed a handdrawn old fashioned poster advertising for the carnival’s freak show.

“See… The… Hu.. Huh Hooman… Wolfman…. Fee… .Fea… Fear dah Bea….st… Dear God… Get me ow!!!” he began saying with his speech beginning to become progressively worse.

Brad crawled over to the end of the cage.

“Sumbodee help eeee…..” he groaned, sounding as if a bee had stung his tongue.

He saw the soft underside of his right arm and saw a pink “Hello Kitty” band-aid. Brad quickly ripped it off and saw three red pricks from syringes. Brad realized he’d been injected with something and threw the bandage to side.

“Help eee…. Eease Elp… Elp… Yelp…. Yelp! Yelp! Yelp!” he said now beginning to yip like a canine as the area of his face around his nose and mouth began to transform into a brown furry muzzle.

Brad looked in horror as the rest of his body began undergoing the same transformation. He ripped off his T-Shirt with strange hidden strength and literally howled out loud in extreme pain as his body contorted and began growing fur, his nails began curving and extending, his feet and arms turned into pads, and his ears became taller. His mouth hurt like hell and he opened it only to realize his teeth were becoming bigger and more fang-like. His vision continued to steadily decline. Brad looked over his new appearance terrified in a water bowl that was in the cage with him which already creepily had had his name written on it crudely in sharpie. He placed his right pawish hand appendage on his muzzle and rubbed it, unable to believe that he was looking at himself.

He grimaced as suddenly his long bushy reddish brown tail burst through the back of his blue jeans. He thought to himself “Jeez no wonder that area was hurting…” and screamed the longest and most terrified howl within his inner beast.

“Aoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.” he howled weakly before passing out from exhaustion and unable to see anything at all.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.” said Zeldafan, grinning happily as he pulled out a hidden bag of Cheetos that had been concealed in Simian’s back pocket.

“How did you know though?” asked Simian confused.

“I saw the cheese you failed to lick off your lips when I burst in unannounced. Plus I knew you had the Cheetos because I saw you eating them earlier when we were playing Fire Emblem.” said Zeldafan opening the bag and reaching his hand in.

“Oh… Well just don’t tell anyone I have em. Or they’ll want em too…” Simian restated firmly. “I’m addicted to these freaking things… Man if Cajun finds these things he’ll follow me everywhere…”

“I love em too!” said Zeldafan noisily as he chomped through a mouthful of crunchy orange cheetos.

Simian finished licking his face clean of the excess cheese that he had failed to hide from Zeldafan.

“Mmm… Cheesy.” exclaimed Simian. “Ok now that we’ve had a snack we need to go get Brad so we can save the others!” said Simian running out of the closet screaming insanely like an idiot.

Zeldafan looked around sneakily and stuffed the rest of the contents from the bag into his mouth, twisting his jaw like a snake and eating them whole.

“That’s so freaking good…” groaned Zeldfan happy that his appetite had been satisfied finally.

Zeldafan looked around again and hid the empty bag in Belbell’s purse.

“Heh heh. She’ll be blamed not me, and my friendship with Simian will continue to retain it’s good standing. And away we go!” Zeldafan shouted running out of the closet too with his golf club in the air like a sword.
____________________________________________________________

“I like the Mudkipz… Do you?” asked Soma peacefully.

“Um… yes?” said Laclipsey staring at Soma’s moving lips and closed eyes.

“That’s nice… What about ice cream?” said Soma continuing to sleep talk.

“I like it… Yes… Who doesn’t? Do you like Corgis?” questioned Laclipsey bored.

“What the hell is a Corgi?” shrieked Soma displeased still sleeping.

“They’re these cute little dogs…” said Laclipsey. “I like them…”

“Dogs? I hate dogs. Cats are better than dogs.” muttered Soma rolling over in her sleep away from him unhappy.

“But I like kitties… I just like Corgis…” said Laclipsey sadly.

“Oh well why didn’t’ you say so whoever I speak to right now?” said Soma rolling back over and yawning deeply.

“Laclipsey…” he said looking the other way.

“Yeah whatever Flipsy…” she said drifting way in a dream where she was in some videogame as an evil Dragon Godess laying waste to the harvest that poor peasants had worked long and hard on to collect and which they needed greatly to survive. “Hmm…” she smiled laughing in her sleep disturbingly.

Laclipsey edged away from her nervously as AFL played with building blocks on the ground.

“YAY! ALL DONE!” shouted AFL, swiping his hand at the tower of blocks and sending them everywhere in the room.

Soma awoke at the sound of the disturbance and looked around.

“Oh no! We got to go now!” she said getting up.

“Laclipsey come with us!” Soma shouted, grabbing his hand as she got off the recliner.

“Huh?” said Laclipsey clueless to the situation.

AFL laughed at nothing as he stared at a blank spot on the wall.

They ran faster in fear for their lives and Soma filled in Laclipsey.


*edit* If you didn't pick it up, the reason Simian smelled good and ZF was sniffing was because of the cheesy smell =D* It's implied. XD The perfume sample thing was just a funny thing Simian improvised in his lie. XD *

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Wake up…” said a smooth calm voice.

Brad continued sleeping and ignored him.

“I said wake up. Please?” said the voice again as someone prodded Brad in the back repeatedly over and over.

Brad shoved him away with an arm still trying to sleep.

“Have it your way.” the voice said, whacking Brad silly in the face.

Brad awoke and stood up. He was on a riverbank and the carnival was nowhere to be seen. He looked at his arms. The fur was gone and his body had returned to normal. He reached behind him and failed to find his short-lived tail. He also failed to remember the voice that had encouraged him to wake up.

“Strange… Most strange… Now where am I?” Brad said to himself staring at the river. “All right I can talk again. And those freaks are gone… But I’m lost and all alone…”

He walked over to the river and crouched down onto his knees to examine himself. Visibly he thought he looked fine. He reached his hands into the half murky water and cupped his hands. Brad began bringing water up to his face and hurling it on his head. It was hot wherever he was.

“Get away from there you bloody idiot! What the bloody hell do ya think you’re doing!?” said a voice to his left.

Brad began to put his head into the river when suddenly someone grabbed his hair and pulled his head out of the water. He gasped for air and looked at the face of a sleek bodied, bipedal, anthropomorphic platypus. It blinked at him waiting for him to say something.

“Aaagh!!! Demon duck!!!” Brad screamed terrified, shoving it’s webbed hand away from his neck.

Brad leaped off the riverbank into the water and began swimming away for dear life away from the creature as fast as he could.

The platypus sighed face palming and dove into the water in pursuit.

“La la la la la la.” the platypus hummed casually as it swam side to side with great ease in the water.

“Aaagh! Somebody help! It wants to kill me! First a stoner! Then a monkey! After that a freak show! Now a demon duck! Today SUCKS!!!” Brad gurgled aloud with his face halfway submerged in the river.

The platypus jumped into the air while in the water like a dolphin and yelled back to Brad “I’m a platypus. I consider that offensive!” he said sternly.

“Just stay away from me!” shouted Brad crying and beginning to sink into the water as the current began to pull him down into the depths.

“Get back over on this side mate. You’ll doom us both. I can’t swim AND spot you while you run away in fear at the same time.”

“Please just go away!!!” choked Brad before his head went completely underwater.

A crocodile suddenly slid down some mud on the other side of the river and into the water. The water was disturbed momentarily and then all was back to normal. The creature was nowhere to be seen.

The platypus saw it though and was now screaming.

“Aaaagh. Stupid bloke. You make this so bloody hard.” it groaned swimming down and grabbing Brad’s t-shirt.

The platypus began paddling back to the shore, towing Brad with him slowly.

“Lose some weight kid. I’m going to have a heart attack if I have to do this much longer.”

Brad just struggled desperately, trying to take off his shirt so he could keep swimming away.

“I dun wanna be eaten by a platypus. Hmm… Are platypuses carnivorous you?” Brad asked the creature as he thrashed in the water, splashing and attracting the crocodile more.

“I’m not going to eat you mate. JEEZ. And yes at your question. We’ve got bigger problems. Look behind me!” the Platypus hissed back, now at the riverbank and trying to pull Brad up out of the water.

Brad looked behind him and saw a huge crocodile swimming fast right for them.

“AAAGH! OH MY GOD! THERE’S A FREAKING CROCODILE! I WANT OUT! I WANT OUT!” Brad screamed, clawing at the muddy riverbank.

“YES. I KNOW ABOUT THE BLOODY CROCODILE.” the stressed platypus hollered back at him mockingly.

The platypus grabbed Brad’s hair again, since Brad was too frightened to trust him with his hand, in fear he might chomp it off with his bill, and gave it a nice hearty tug. Brad let go of a tree root that he was holding onto on the side of the river bank and co-operated with the platypus out of pain. The platypus pulled Brad’s body out of the river with great effort at the very last second and right as Brad’s leg left the water the crocodile lunged for it, missing it by centimeters.

“Oh god! What is going on!?!?!?” shouted Brad, pulling his treasured right foot up close to himself and hugging it.

The ravenously hungry crocodile growled at them and the platypus marched over to the end of the bank and hurled a rock at it’s head. The enraged crocodile leaped into the air with it’s jaws wide open and snapped them inches away from the creature’s webbed feet. The crocodile snarled again and landed in the water with a great splash. It paced back and forth in the water for a few seconds then submerged itself in the water, rendering itself invisible.

The platypus waddled back over to Brad who at the moment was trying to crawl away from him as quietly as he could. Brad trembled and stared at the platypus’s bill as he talked.

“Yes I’m a platypus…” said the platypus.

“Please don’t eat me demon duck…” Brad whispered back, as water dripped down from his shaggy hair onto his nose and rolled down his face.

“If I had wanted to do that I would have done so already. But you Bradley. You must live.” the brown otter-like mammal said to him in a serious tone of voice as it shook itself halfway dry in a similar fashion a dog. “Now I need you to…”

The platypus then slapped Brad’s face violently with his tail three times in rapid succession. “LISTEN… TO… ME!” the Platypus grunted with each tail whip. “Do you not realize what the others would think of me if they found out you died on my watch!? Especially here!? Why a laughingstock I’d be. I’d look like a bloody idiot! A failure!”

“What was that for!? I thought you didn’t want to kill me!?” Brad shouted in pain and ignoring the creature’s last question. “That hurts!”

“Good. That’s why I hit you mate. But if that doesn’t hurt enough I can always kick you.” the platypus pointed out.

Brad looked at his companion’s short stubby legs and smirked a little at the threat.

“Oh did you know they have poison mate? Bet ya didn’t. Not bluffing. Hurts.” the Platypus said looking at his webbed feet.

Brad stared back at the platypus as he stood up.

“How did you know my name?” Brad asked him, half paying attention to him and half looking around confused fearing he was going insane because he was making small talk with a friendly platypus.

“Because we are one.” the Platypus said, putting his arms hunched over in front of his chest and cocking his head as if to ask “Do I need to explain more?”.

“Huh? That sounds so disturbing and creepy yet cool at the same time…” Brad thought to himself.

“I know mate.” the platypus’s voice suddenly told him inside of his head.

“Oh my god! How’d you do that!?” Brad shouted at the creature, taking a fearful step away from the platypus.

“I already told you.” the creature said picking at a leaf sticking to his wet fur and dropping it on the ground.

“My name’s Phil. Come with me if you want to live. Seriously. If you stay here long the crocodile will get you. I tried telling you earlier there were beasties in the water but you just up and left. It’s probably looking for another way up the river bank right now. They always do… This part of the bank is too sloped for him to climb up. Come with me to my burrow. We can have a lovely cup of tea while we sort our encounter out.” the platypus said beginning to wander off away from Brad.

Brad thought to himself momentarily and began to question if he should go with the strange mammal. He took a few steps after him and then suddenly stopped.

Phil continued walking but remarked aloud “I already know you don’t trust me Brad. I know what you’re thinking. I can’t change free will. But if you want to come with me mate, you may.

Brad looked around and decided he should maybe just follow the platypus, since nothing bad had happened to him since he met him.

“Yeah… Yeah I’m coming.” Brad said doing a short jog until he was completely caught up with Phil.

They resumed walking together.

“I’ll have you know mate… It is very strange that we have actually met. Surely it must be fate or something and not just chance. Most blokes never do.” Phil said at him with a follow me hand motion as it stopped at a bush along the bank.

The platypus pulled the shrub to the side, revealing that it was loose and just covering a burrow hole.

“Well come on then. Let’s go mate. We ain’t got all bloody day.” Phil said as he prepared to go down the hole, thumping his tail against the ground in front of the burrow so Brad knew that this was indeed it.

“Wait… What do you mean by that? That most blokes never meet.” Brad questioned him confused.

“Why your spirit animal of course lad. That’s what I am. I’m yours. Now off into the hole we go mate.” Phil said going into his burrow as Brad’s eyes drifted everywhere wondering what the heck was going on.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Zeldafan! Start the adminmobile!” shouted Simian to his friend as he leaped into the spare adminmobile in the fashion of a character from The Dukes of Hazzard.

Zeldafan realized that he hadn’t received the keys from AFL yet and shouted a curse word that he didn’t know he had in his vocabulary, along with several others that he improvised into existence at that very moment.

Zeldafan and Simian got out of the ice cream truck and took the elevator out of the secret underground cave housing the spare adminmobile. They ran madly around the base back and forth looking for AFL.
___________________________________________________

“I accuse… Colonel Mustard… In the Ballroom. With the Candlestick!” shouted Shadow, pointing a finger accusingly at Kitchensink, just because he had chosen to use the mustard yellow game token and in a way represented “Colonel Mustard”.

Shadow reached for the yellow envelope in the middle of the Clue game board and opened it up hastily. He slowly pulled out the cards and read what really happened.

In Shadow’s mind, his thoughts went “Candlestick… Yes…” as he saw the card with the candlestick on it. He pulled up the next card with his thumb. “Wewt. Two for two… Ballroom. Yes. I’m so awesome…” He read the last card and went silent for a few seconds.

Bloogoo and Kitchensink stared at him in anticipation. Kitchensink nervously drank a Wild Cherry Pepsi that he had spiked with Splenda. The slurping noise made Bloogoo lean even further on the edge of his seat in excitement.

“Damn it!” muttered Shadow, throwing his fist forward and releasing his clenched fist, sending the three cards onto the table, all landing face up and ruining the game. Mr. Green had been the actual killer, who he had coincidentally picked to play as.

“Aw man! What’d you do that for!? Me and Kitchensink were still playing! Now we need something else to do!” shouted Bloogoo, grabbing one of the murder weapons from the board.

“Please don’t hurt me!” shouted Shadow with big fearful eyes as Bloogoo bludgeoned him in the shoulder repeatedly with the tiny wrench. “Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.”

“All right that’s enough you guys. We know why we’re here. We need to discuss theories on where Elvis is hiding, since we know he isn’t dead.” Kitchensink said aloud, biting noisily into an apricot.

“Agreed.” Shadow and Bloogoo said simultaneously.

“Now we must continue to come up with theories on why the government is lying to us and why Elvis has to stay in hiding so they don’t kill him.” Kitchensink told them, grabbing a notebook and a ballpoint pen.

“Poor Elvis. We’ll find him!” said Bloogoo, chugging a can of Wild Cherry Pepsi.

“Wait but you guys, if we do find Elvis, and you’re right with this theory of yours… That Elvis was the witness to some alien crash landing and the government wants him dead because he wanted to inform the public through his music using his celebrity status as the king of rock… Wouldn’t he be pissed? I mean… The government is trying to find him and wants him dead. If we tell everyone where he is… They’d go there to kill him.” Shadow said, suddenly beginning to use his head since joining the "Elvis Isn’t Dead Club" that Bloogoo and Kitchensink had made him join.

“Huh?” said Kitchensink, completely missing the point.

“You do have a point…” said Bloogoo, scratching his chin thoughtfully.

“What was the name of this crash anyway?” asked Shadow.

“Roswell, New Mexico. 1947.” Kitchensink informed him winking, as he doodled a picture of a bowl of ramen on his notebook.

“This theory makes no sense…” said Shadow raising a brow.

“Huh?” said Bloogoo, noisily chewing on a juicy apricot.

“The rumored Roswell crash took place in New Mexico in 1947 you guys. Elvis didn’t die until 1977. That’s a thirty year difference…” Shadow said, walking up to a chalkboard and picking up a white piece of chalk.

Shadow struck out “Witness to Alien Crash” from the list of reasons that Elvis was in hiding on their chalkboard listing preposterous reasons for why Elvis would be hiding if he wasn’t really dead.

“What the hell Shadow! Now because of you we have no leads!” Kitchensink yelled furious.

“Your leads sucked anyway.” Shadow said, preparing for a fight.

“Let’s kill him! Now we’ll never find Elvis!” Bloogoo shouted angrily.
__________________________________________

Soma and Laclipsey ran into Zeldafan as they turned a corner of the base. Zeldafan fell against a mirror, shattering it, and stumbling halfway to the ground before pushing himself back up by pressing his arm against the wall for support. Zeldafan put his arm against his side and tried to keep at a steady pace as he searched for AFL. Soma and Laclipsey followed him as he searched the base.

“What are we doing!? What’s the plan!?” Soma shrieked deliriously.

Laclipsey’s eyes shifted back and forth from each of his friends, as he tried to fully understand what was happening a bit better. He remained silent. Zeldafan didn’t say anything either.

“Zeldafan! What are we doing!?” said Soma, grabbing Zeldafan’s Holy Golf Club of Doom from his side and bonking him on the head, demanding his attention immediately.

“Plan? What plan? I don’t plan. I just do. Our future is only what we make of it. I refuse to compromise. Things like that you don’t plan ahead because you can never fully foresee all the tiny little things that could screw you over.” grunted Zeldafan, turning back to look her in the face.

Zeldafan thought she looked nice but didn’t say anything. He was kind of shy. He simply smirked and grabbed his golf club back.

“I need to find AFL. He has the keys still. You guys seen him?” Zeldafan asked them.

“Yeah. He’s still in the room with all the TVs and stuff. I’ll go get them if you want. You go round up whoever else is coming and head to the adminmobile. Take the elevator behind the bookcase! It’s faster than the other elevator to the secret underground cave!” said Laclipsey, running off to find AFL and leaving Soma and Zeldafan alone.

“Which one!?” shouted Zeldafan as Laclipsey ran like Forrest Gump.

“The one with the books nobody likes to read!” he hollered back before he was out of sight.

“Why do we keep the adminmobiles in a secret underground cave anyway? And why is it a secret also if everyone in Megabuddies HQ knows that it exists?” Soma wondered aloud.

She turned to look at Zeldafan, expecting him to come up with at least a witty remark, if not the answer she hoped for.

“Uh. I have no idea actually Soma. That is a very good question. Anyway let’s go.” Zeldafan said, grabbing her hand and running to find Simian.

Soma held his hand tight. She kind of liked him. But she wasn’t going to say anything. Zeldafan was the same way.
__________________________________________

Simian suddenly kicked down the door of the room that was hosting the “Elvis Isn’t Dead Club” meeting. He didn’t have time for doorknobs. Not today. Not one second. He looked at Shadow, who was currently flying around in a circle on a ceiling fan, with the back of his shirt hooked on one of the fan’s blades.

“Help me Simian!” Shadow gasped, looking kind of green.

“Whoa!” Simian said, quickly turning off the switch.

“He’s free! We’re in trouble! Run!” said Kitchensink and Bloogoo, jumping behind the sofa out of sight.

“Aaaaaagh!” screamed Shadow as he flew into a wall as his shirt came loose from the fan.

He hit the wall with a thud and dizzily stood up. Shadow pointed at the sofa.

“You’re dead…” he muttered, dizzily walking for the couch and tripping on an apricot.

“Do you think he knows where we are?” Bloogoo whispered to Kitchensink.

“Yes I do…” answered Shadow, trying to push himself up, then laying back down on the ground. He put his finger to his lips for a second. “Excuse meh… BLECK.”

Shadow vomited Pepsi and apricot chunks all over Kitchensink’s notebook.

“Our theories and notes! NOOOOO!!!!” shouted Kitchensink at the top of his lungs, placing his arm over dramatically into the air at the notebook.

“WE FAILED YOU ELVIS!!!” cried Bloogoo as his voice began choking up and tears formed in his tear ducts.

“You guys. Enough! There are bigger things going on then you and Elvis.” Simian told them, grabbing a Pepsi and sniffing it cautiously.

Simian took a sip of the Pepsi and coughed violently. His lips sputtered the liquid away from his mouth.

“Uh what the heck did you do to this?” he asked.

“We didn’t do nothing!” they told him.

“It sucks…” Simian said, tossing the can to the side.

“What can be bigger than Elvis?” asked Kitchensink, crossing his arms, refusing to even accept the idea that something could be more important.

“Crimson, Gbleek, and Cajun are trapped at a Wal-Mart. Their extraction mission went horribly, horribly wrong. Somehow Nathan and Belbell got trapped there too. Our orders from Brad are to get in and extract the precious cargo. Bring them home alive or die trying. We’re the cavalry.” Simian informed them dutifully.

“Wait… Crimson’s in trouble!? We must protect the leader! And minions... But especially the leader!” gasped Shadow, standing up and rushing out the door behind Simian.

Sink and Bloogoo quickly followed behind Shadow, needing to hear no more other than that the leader was in trouble, and bolted out the door past Simian.

Simian ran in a different direction than they did.
_________________________________________

Zeldafan and Soma ran into Kitchensink, Shadow, and Bloogoo in the hall as they ran around looking for their friends.

“You guys! Follow me! Where’s Simian!?” Zeldafan ordered.

"He was with us a second ago!" shouted Shadow, looking behind him. "Where did he go!?"

"You lost him!?" muttered a disgruntled Zeldafan.

“He’s probably looking for Tom, Zeldafan.” Soma said calmly. “I’m sure he knows to head back to the adminmobile once he finds everyone. He’s his best friend. He’s not going to let Geo murder him over a freaking Disney movie…” she quickly added in.

“I can’t go with you. Take them. He doesn’t know that you and I are going to the adminmobile already and that Laclipsey’s heading out too. I need to find him.” Zeldafan said, letting go of her hand.

Zeldafan ran around the base looking for his friend.
___________________________________

Simian took a punch from Geo for getting in between him and his revenge. Simian fell to the floor and Geo resumed growling like a mad-man and pounding heavily on the wooden door to the bathroom that Tom was holed up in trying to hide from him.

“You will PAY!!!” snarled Geo, kicking on the door.

“How much!?” asked Tom nervously.

“With your LIFE!!! BURN IN HELL!!!” Geo shouted, banging his head on the door enraged that he couldn’t get in.

Simian stood back up. He heard footsteps and looked behind him. Zeldafan was strafing from the side of a corner up to Geo with his Holy Golfclub of Doom out like a baseball bat.

“PLEASE! NO!!! EEEEE… SAVE ME!!! DON’T LET ME DIE IN HERE!!!” screamed Tom, tearing through the medicine cabinet for some pills to overdose on, preferring suicide then the extreme pain that Geo had promised.

Zeldafan savagely whacked Geo on the back of the head and knocked him out again. Geo fell to the floor unconscious for now.

“You have good timing Zeldafan.” smiled Simian, smirking and kicking down the door to the bathroom with one powerful well placed kick. He had learned all his moves from observing Chuck Norris kicking butt in the Missing in Action trilogy and Walker Texas Ranger.

Once again, Simian didn’t feel that he had time to waste on doorknobs. Not one bit.

“Nice kick.” commented Zeldafan, putting the golf club back up as if it were a saber.

“Tom what are you doing!?” screamed Simian, running up to Tom and bashing his hands.

Several various pills fell from his hands and rolled down the drain in the sink.

“Um. Doesn’t matter anymore… Yeah…” Tom said, sweating nervously.

Tom and Simian grabbed opposite ends of Geo and carried him to the secret elevator while Zeldafan sprinted ahead to start the adminmobile so they could gun it the second they were inside the vehicle.
______________________________________

About two minutes later they arrived at the adminmobile. Tom and Simian shoved Geo into the freezer and locked him inside, figuring that as long as he was in a cryogenic state he couldn’t try and kill anyone.

“Go Zeldafan! Kierstin needs me…” Shadow shouted at the driver with frantic hand motions to describe his anxiousness, all while fantasizing her falling in love with him if he saved her. “Heh heh heh…” he smiled dreamily at the thought.

“I’m going!” Zeldafan screamed back.

Laclipsey pushed a button on the adminmobile and the entrance to the secret cave opened up. Zeldafan floored the adminmobile, this time using it’s nitro boosters to fly out of the base at rocket speed. Laclipsey pushed the button again and the entrance closed back up.

“Not very discrete are we!?” groaned Soma, pinned to the back of the adminmobile unable to move because of the great speed at which they were traveling, her mouth flapping as she tried to talk.

“Nah. But who cares?” said Simian as the adminmobile raced on public streets at super speed, recklessly endangering innocent civilians and other motorists as they swerved left and right randomly.

Outside all around them, everyone was screaming. Inside the adminmobile though, the passengers were eating ice cream and listening to rock music happily without a care in the world.

For friendship. For humanity. For the lulz. This is the story of the Megabuddies.


“Well well well. Look what I found.” Gbleek said to himself as he stared at a locked metal case attached to the wall. “Hey Cajun!”

“Yeah?” Cajun shouted off in the distance as he and Crimson carried a ladder that they had found over to the vent.

“Found the power box. We can shut off the security cameras and lights in the store!” Gbleek said, pulling on the handle, as the chain from the lock rattled against the metal each time he banged it slightly open and then closed it again.

“Coming.” Cajun said. “Crimson find some flashlights so that we aren’t stranded in the dark once we get it open.”

“K.” Crimson said disinterested, since she had night vision and believed it to be a waste of her time, humoring the mortals.
__________________________________

Crimson grabbed the crowbar from Cajun and climbed up the steps of the ladder. When she reached the final rung she began prying on the end of the vent, trying to rip it off.

Nathan had woken up by now and was holding some heavy duty rope that he had found in the back while he was looking for the ladder.
___________________________________

Cajun found Gbleek and stared at it.

“It’s locked.” said Gbleek, pointing out the obvious.

“I can see that.” Cajun confirmed.

“Think we could break it open with an axe?” asked Gbleek.

“Definitely.” said Cajun.

“Good. Stand back.” Gbleek raised an axe into the air, alerting Cajun to the fact that he was wielding an axe.

“Whoa holy *!@!” screamed Cajun, grabbing it from Gbleek. “I don’t trust you. I’LL do it.”

“But I wanted to hack things to hell…” whined Gbleek unhappily.

“Hmm double-bladed… Nice.” Cajun commented as he looked at the adamantium axe in his hands. “Where’d you get it anyway?”

“I nicked it off of Simian during a split second where he let his guard down. It only took me eight seconds.” Gbleek boasted proudly.

Cajun swung several times at the box, denting it badly at first, and then eventually breaking the lock. The chain and lock fell off and Cajun swung it open.

“Hey Crimson! Do you have the flashlights!?” hollered Cajun.
________________________________

“YES, HUMAN. GEEZ. You don’t trust a vampire?” Crimson lied greatly annoyed.

Crimson swung the crowbar at the vent and woke up Belbell with all of the racket she was creating. Belbell quickly collected her “babies”, the Furbies, and stood up. She stared at Crimson. Crimson blinked.

“Yesh?” said Crimson, frowning, being unhappy that she was being stared at. “Yes I am skinnier than you. And I always will be. Ha ha ha. Go ahead. Get a good look at it? Done? Good now you might want to watch where you’re walking for this next part."

The lights flipped off as Cajun and Gbleek killed the power for the store.

“Aaaah!!! DARK!!!” screeched Belbell.

“Turn on the flashlights. We can’t see where we are Crimson… Help…” said Gbleek.

“What flashlights?” smirked Crimson, looking around with perfect 50/50 vision.

“CRIMSON! You didn’t get the flashlights did you!?” said Cajun, facepalming.

“Nah. I don’t need em.” smiled Crimson.

“WE do.” said Gbleek pissed.

“Oh yeah…” said Crimson realizing this. “Hold on…” Crimson stuck her tongue out of her mouth in a goofy fashion and dug her hand into her pockets. “No that’s not it… That’s not it either… AH” Crimson took out several flashlights from out of nowhere in her pockets and turned them on. “Happy? Ooooahahahhaha” said Crimson goofily, shining the flashlight at Belbell and the Furbies.

“BRIGHT LIGHT! BRIGHT LIGHT!!! SHIELD US MAMA!!!” chirped the Furbies in fear, hiding their faces from the flashlight.

“Huh…” said Nathan getting an idea.

“Don’t even think of scaring my babies with shadow puppets Nathan!” scolded Belbell.

“Um yeah… Shadow puppets…” said Nathan. He wasn’t thinking of shadow puppets.

Crimson shined the flashlights at Gbleek and Cajun so that they found their way back to the main group unharmed. She tossed a lit flashlight to each of her friends and lifted the remaining flashlight up to her face. She sniffed it cautiously and then opened her mouth and swallowed it whole.

Her stomach was glowing from the inside, and her friends could see the contents of her stomach, which currently was some sort of mush, probably the blood orange, a strawberry, two pennies, the flashlight, a Tom Kenny bobble head, and a Bumblebee Transformer action figure that she had bought on Ebay but had grown tired of.

Her friends stared at her awkwardly.

“What!? I get hungry sometimes…” defended Crimson.

Crimson swung at the vent again and the end of the vent fell off, landing on the floor with a heavy rattling clang.
_________________________________

Suddenly the emergency lights came on in the warehouse, flickering on one by one.

“No no no!!!” screamed Nathan. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!”

“I gotz it. Vampire people first.” said Crimson, grabbing the end of the vent and pulling herself up onto the edge of the vent. Crimson pulled her body fully inside and began crawling away into the dark snaking vent.

Gbleek got onto the ladder next, followed by Cajun.

Cajun had just gotten inside of the vent and begun crawling when suddenly the doors burst open in the room. Their defenses had been weakened so much by Nathan they now proved impossible to contain the horrors of the main store.

“GO GO GO!!!” shouted Nathan, pushing desperately on Belbell’s butt that was above his face with both of his hands as hard as he could.

“How rude.” scoffed Belbell displeased, taking her time.

Nathan, who was currently last in line to go into the vent, was still climbing up the ladder, about halfway up.
_____________________________

Several employees in blue vests rushed ahead of everyone else breaking into the room. They screeched, foaming at the mouth, and leaped into the air over several boxes. They grabbed the ladder and began shaking it, trying to make Belbell and Nathan let go.

“RAAAAGH!!!” screeched an employee unintelligibly, biting on the sole of Nathan’s shoe.

“AAAH!” Nathan screamed, kicking him in the eye. “BELBELL! GO FASTER!!! DON’T STOP!!!” he screamed.

Employees were clawing at Nathan’s legs and trying to pull him off the unstable wooden ladder. “Help!!!”
________________________________

“Gbleek! Crimson! Keep moving! We might have company soon!!!” shouted Cajun at the top of his lungs in the vent.

Cajun’s voice traveled down the vent, getting increasingly louder as it echoed further and further down the vent.

When it got to Crimson she began crawling super fast, quickly leaving Cajun and Gbleek behind. She turned to the right and out of the sight of Cajun and Gbleek.

“HEY WAIT UP!” shouted Gbleek, quickly following the leader and ditching Cajun.