Glad Simian finds it funny.
It's actually a relief. Till now these stories were just an inside joke between me and my friend ever since middle school, when these were written. And when we decided to post it here, I expected reactions like Ryu's.
Well, you did ask for more, Simian. I dunno why, but you did. If your eyes rot in their sockets from reading these, then know you brought it on yourself.
Chapter 2: BrrrrtWell, here I am again to tell you all just how fat and horrible this man is. Really, no one needs telling, but Wario is just awful enough for me to continue this log. Words fail me when describing this man. My extremely unbiased opinion is that Wario is a fat, greedy, stupid, unhygienic, no-good, rotten, horrible, smelly, awful, unlikable disgrace to mankind. And I think even that’s giving him too much credit. I have tried for years to find a way to say what’s been bugging me about him ever since I met the man, and only now have I been able to find words to describe it. This is the conclusion I have arrived at based on extensive research, multiple interviews, personal experience, and eyewitness testimonies…
There is absolutely nothing worse than a Wario fart in your face.
-Interviewer-
Interviewer blows up Wario’s hideout on accident!“It’s all your fault! Heh heh heh!”” says greedy Wario.
“Me? No! You blew up Peach’s Castle!” says the Interviewer.
“No, I diddn’t!” screams Wario.
“Oh, yeah?” says the Interviewer, pulling out the stick of dynamite. “Then how do you explain this? The @!*#& red stick!”
Wario: “Why do you keep bringing up the !)**# red stick? And I never seen that stick in my life. It’s always Mario after his diet! Duh!”
Interviewer: “And…… How do you explain this %#&@* black ball, hmmm?”
Wario: “That black ball tells nothing. It doesn’t have a fuse so ha ha on you.”
Interviewer: “Your talking like a stupid idiot.”
Wario: “And besides you cut off the fuse to hide your guiltyness so there! I’ve solved the mystery!”
Interviewer: “Ha, Wario! You couldn’t solve your way out of a paper bag!”
Wario: “Could, too!”
Interviewer: “Could not!”
Wario: “Oh, shut up and… Hey, wow! A fake piece of gold!”
Interviewer: “Quit trying to change the subject, idiot!”
*Cht! Swish! BOOM!*
Wario: “Missed me!” *GASP!* “Interviewer, you idiot! That was my hideout!”
Interviewer: “Oops.”
Wario: “#%*^@! you!”
Interviewer: “Who cares if I destroyed your hideout?”
Wario: “I do!! Prepare to die, Interviewer!!!!!!!!!!”
Interviewer: “It’s not my fault! Heh heh heh! Help! Police!”
*Hop SLAM!*
Wario: “Take that, Interviewer! OW! My small, attractive rump hurts!”
Police: “Hello, Wario. We’re taking you.”
Wario: “OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hang on a sec! I’m eating some beans! Hunnnn…”
*Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt*
Wario: “Arrrgh!”
Interviewer: “PU!”
Wario: “OW! My bootie is on fire!! &%!@#in’ fart!”
Wario’s Disquise???: “Hello. My name is Bob. And I want to tell you about my butt. After I met Jarigio, I…”
Interviewer: “No, you’re not Jarigio! You’re disgusting!”
???: “My name is Bob!”
Interviewer: “Whatever! You’re Wario!”
Wario: “OK. But, I diddn’t blow up your lucky microphone! It’s safe with me!”
Interviewer: “No! That’s a fake!”
Wario: “
I diddn’t do it!”
Interviewer: “Yes, you did!”
Wario: “I
diddn’t do it!”
Interviewer: “Quit denying it! You’re wearing a disquise!”
Wario: “I diddn’t
do it!”
Interviewer: “Uh-huh!”
Wario: “I diddn’t do
it!”
Interviewer: “Quit saying that!”
Wario: “OK, but I DIDDN’T DO IT!!!”
*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!*
Wario: “Biggest fart in history!”
Interviewer: “Eeew! Wario! P.U! P.U! P.U! We shall meet again, Wario!”
Wario: “I can live with that! Whee! I’m in the stratusphere!”
Stupid WarioWario: “It’s not my fault! Heh heh heh!”
Interviewer: “Hey, what happened to the heh heh heh?”
Wario: “Well, cause when I say heh heh heh it gives it away. So I really did the crime but I don’t want you to know that. OK?”
Interviewer: “OK. Yeah then what is that stupid green stick doing behind the candy store?”
Wario: “I painted it green to make you think it was Luigi, but it’s really a stick of dynamite but you’re not supposed to know that. OK?”
Interviewer: “OK.”
Wario: “Now back to the story. That’s Luigi!”
Interviewer: “But the chocolate coin had you on it!”
Wario: “Well, I had my face on the chocolate coin because I look good on a chocolate coin! But, you’re not supposed to know that. OK?”
Interviewer: “OK.”
Wario: “Back to the story again. I know. It’s my lucky chocolate coin. Ooo. A fake jelly bean.”
Interviewer: “Where? Where?”
Wario: “No, Interviewer. You’re suppose to say, ‘Don’t try to change the subject.’ Cause I’m really trying to change the subject. OK?”
Interviewer: “OK.”
Wario: “Now, back to the story for the millionth time!”
Interviewer: “That was only the third time, Wario! It only seems like a million!”
Wario: “OK! Just get back to the story!”
Interviewer: “Don’t try to change the subject!”
Wario: “We’re running out of pages. Let’s just get to the back of this page! Now, back to the story. I’m not!”
Interviewer: “OK. I’m sorry for blaming you.”
Wario: “I’m really trying to change the subject, and you’re supposed to know that!”
Interviewer: “Oh. OK. Back to the story. Oh, yes you are!”
Wario: “Am not!”
Interviewer: “Am too!”
Wario: “All right! But that was last week!”
Interviewer: “It was?”
Wario: “Yep. Now back to the story!”
Interviewer: “Tell someone who cares! What matters is you did it!”
Wario: “Oh, please don’t arrest me!”
“Interviewer: OK, Wario. You’ve told me all I need to know. Police!”
Police: “Wario! You’re committed a crime for the millionth time!”
Wario: “That wasn’t the millionth time! That was only the… millionth.”
Police: “Say goodbye, Wario!”
Wario: “Yippie! Bye!”
In the cop car:
*Brrrrrrt!*
Wario: “Hey, the stupid beans wore off! Where am I?! I’m in jail! Waaaahhhh!!!”
Wario is Hated“I dident do anything heh heh heh!” Says evil Wario.
“OH yah” says the Interviewer. “Why dose everybody hate you? Listen to these people.”
Peach: “You idiot Wario you blew up my castle and took my magic peach.
Bowser: “He blew up my castle and took my lucky spiked shell Rooooaaarrrrr!”
Toad: “Boohoo he took my lucky mushroom and blew up my feild. Snif”
Mario and Luigi: “He stole our pyramid and castle and took our lucky pennys.”
Peach: “Lucky penny I should have bought one of those.”
Yoshi: “Yoshi he took my lucky egg and blew up my hom eand now I live in the rain.”
Donkey Kong: “He took my lucky banana and now I have kremlings in our house!”
Interviewer: “You see Wario everyone hates you. OH and the police are here. Police!”
Wario: “Oh please don’t arrest me!”
Police: Well we will Wario come with us.”
Peach Mario Luigi Bowser Toad Yoshi DK Interviewer: “Hoooorrrrraaaahhhh!”
“OH yah” says Wario “Yummy beans.”
Interviewer: “OH no!”
*Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt! And Hop Slam!*
Wario: “OW!”
Interviewer: “P.U P.U P.U P.U P.U!”
Wario: “Ow! My bruised booty is gone OH well goodbye.”