CHAPTER EDIT POST

A mysterious vehicle with tinted windows approached a suburban neighborhood in a New York City ghetto.
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It was just another peaceful day in the neighborhood. Peaceful? What a load of bullcrap. This was the ghetto and as is daily custom that temporary peace was about to get brutally shattered by another act of random senseless violence.

Currently somewhere deep in the hood, a man in a yellow suit with a yellow hat fixed atop his head was running outside. He always wore a yellow suit and hat. It was kind of his thing. Nobody ever questioned it or suggested he get a new wardrobe. Yes, he really went out in public dressed like that. It worked that freaking well for him. Why stop now?

"Damn it. Not again!" he groaned as he turned the knob for the garden hose and picked it up in his hands.

He pointed the end of the hose at the flaming pine-wood cross burning on his front lawn and doused it as fast as he could. He was the only white guy living in the hood and people frequently burned crosses on his lawn same with his neighbors thinking he was a minority. He stomped on the smoldering smoking remains with his jet black boots.

The Man in the Yellow Hat knew of the dangers that came with living in the only cheap housing people with his low income could afford.

Cross-burning wasn't the only problem that often plagued this neighborhood. It wasn't uncommon to fall asleep to a lullaby of gunshots in the middle of the night. The murder rate was high, things disappeared from houses and one of the neighbors was a schizophrenic drug addict who set his parents on fire while they were sleeping. Up the street was a crackhouse. Down the street was a whorehouse. All you had to do was say the word "Police" to get gunned down. At night two warring gangs would run about causing mayhem. Anybody with half a brain wouldn't dare step foot outside at night. It wasn't safe in the neighborhood at all.

He also knew the dangers that came from living with a friend like George. George! He'd forgotten all about him. You could never really leave him alone for too long without something bad happening. He threw the hose down, shut the water valve off and ran into his home.

“George!? Where are you!? Are you playing with guns again, George? You know I don't like it when you do that.” shouted his voice as he stumbled about the house looking for his little buddy.

George was a most unusual friend. You see, he was a monkey the Man in the Yellow Hat had befriended on one of his many adventures. He had run off again somewhere. No telling where. Probably making trouble the Man in the Yellow Hat would have to solve He always was...

A short ape turned his head away from the King Kong plush that he was hugging endearingly.

“Ook?” said George casually as he scampered over in the direction of the window. He was chasing after a mouse he had seen thieving a piece of bread in the kitchen. He wanted to make friends with it.

The Man in the Yellow Hat suddenly burst into the living room downstairs and saw his pet ape playing recklessly over by the window. You should never stand near a window in that particular neighborhood. People get killed that way.

Pictures and glasses and other household objects began to vibrate and rumble in the house. It was a warning. A sign of danger. It was coming.

“Oh my god! George! What are you doing!!!” screamed the man as he leaped into the air and shoved George away from the window. He wrapped the monkey into his arms and embraced him as they tumbled downwards to the floor. George laughed maniacally. He thought it was all a funny game.

Outside, a low-riding black Mercedes Benz strolled into the neighborhood at that very moment. Scary objectionable rap music boomed over the stereo speakers at a deafening volume. How the passengers could endure the deafening sound at such a close proximity was a mystery to anyone who heard it as it drove by. The car's occupants were the kind of people who crank their stereos up so loud in the car you can hear it roaring from down the street before it even gets close to you. They unrolled the windows and a thick cloud of marijuana smoke that had accumulated inside the car from all of their late-night partying poured out into the open.

"**** you, Gringo!" called out a man.

Seconds after the Man in the Yellow Hat hit the floor with George in his arms bullets began flying through the glass window. As hot metal unloaded into everything around them objects shattered, wood splintered, George laughed in amusement and The Man in the Yellow Hat screamed for his life.

The driver and passengers in the Mercedes had stuck their arms outside the car, twin uzis in hand. They laughed and cheered each other on as they shot into the house.

“Oooh!!! Oooh!!!” hooted George in a bit of apish laughter. He was amused at all of the things breaking in the room.

“Quiet, George! This is a bad thing!” snarled the usually modest Man in the Yellow Hat.

Suddenly a bullet whizzed by and tore off the head of the Kong plush. Stuffing began flying up into the air as bullets more bullets shot by overhead.

“Aaaagh!!!” shrieked George in dismay.

George began squirming in the man’s arms as he struggled to free himself so that he could save his precious toy. The Man in the Yellow Hat squeezed him tighter against his chest. "Let it go, George! It's gone!"

The bombardment of bullets ended just like it had come. In a heartbeat it was all over.

Outside the house the driver of the car was gunning it down the road as his friends cheered his name laughing heartily. "Come on, dog. Let's go get some more whiskey! I'm starting to feel too sober again."

George and the man in the yellow hat stood up and looked outside the window then around the house surveying all of the damage.

The monkey grabbed his beloved King Kong plush and became teary eyed as he realized it was broken. He began sobbing to himself in heartbreak.

“George! What were you thinking, you silly monkey!? You know we live in a bad neighborhood! I promise that you don’t have to play in the closet where it’s one hundred percent safe for the rest of your life. We’re going to find a nice house on the other side of town eventually with a backyard and a tree-house. I just can’t swing it right now on my low salary as a museum employee. It's just not enough. I'm saving what I can though and I promise we'll move as soon as we can. I'm not trying to be mean. What have I told you about playing near the windows!?” said the Man in the Yellow Hat sternly as he crossed his arms.

George looked up at the Man in the Yellow Hat and then looked down at the ground ashamed.

“Oh, I know you can’t help yourself, George. You’re just so damn curious.” said the man in the yellow hat. "You know I only want you to be careful because I love you."

George's ears perked and he raised up the Kong plush. “Ook?” He grabbed the severed plush head and looked at the man with a glisten of hope in his eyes.

“Heh heh. Yes I can fix it, George. Don’t worry. He’ll be better than ever.”

George hugged the Man in the Yellow Hat and then scampered off to go forage in the medicine cabinet.

“Silly monkey… He makes it so dang hard to get mad at him…” said the Man in the Yellow Hat.

The door bell suddenly rang and the Man in the Yellow Hat's attention turned to the door.

The Man in the Yellow Hat opened the door and to his surprise he saw a shady looking man in a black suit standing on his doorstep.

“Ted Shackleford?” asked the stranger.

“That’s me…” said the Man in the Yellow Hat. “You look kind of intimidating… Are you like some sort of government agent or something? I demand a lawyer. I ain’t talking. I haven't done anything wrong.”

Ted crossed his arms defiantly and tried to close the door, but the stranger put his arms in the doorway and blocked him. He pushed the door back open.

“Don’t worry, sir. You aren’t in trouble. I just need you to come with me.” said the man in the black suit.

“Oh… Wait, I’m not in trouble?” sighed Ted relieved.

“I just said that.” said the stranger quite blankly.

“Still…" he paused before continuing. "I’m not sure I feel comfortable coming with you until you tell me what you want me for and who the hell you are.” said Ted.

The man in the black suit raised a brow and dug his hand into a pocket inside of his suit. He produced a badge with the letters “M.I.B” on it and flashed it at Ted for two seconds before putting it back up.

“M.I.B?” said Ted. “What the heck is that!?”

“Classified."

“Well. what do you need me for!? I'm just a humble museum employee!”

“Also classified.”

“Can I at least know your name!?” shouted Ted getting enraged. He wasn't getting much in the form of answers from this guy.

“Technically I don’t exist, but I’m known as Jed, and that’s all you, an everyday citizen, is permitted to know.”

Ted began closing the door again, but the stranger stuck his hand out and blocked it from closing again. "Yeah... Not coming. Bye bye."

“Sir, I'm afraid that you don’t have a choice. I’m just asking politely before I have to get rough. Do I need to get rough?” He reached forward and grabbed Ted by the collar, tugging him closer with little effort.

The Man in the Yellow Hat nervously looked the man in the black suit over. Jed, if that was even his real name, it was probably just an alias, had big muscular arms like a gorilla and could probably rape him in a heartbeat. Any resistance put up by Ted would probably be pointless if the stranger could easily overpower him without a second thought.

“No sir...” said Ted, gulping nervously.

“Excellent.”

“How long are we going to be gone?” asked Ted. "I'll need to get someone to water the daisies and feed my sea monkeys."

“As long as our nation needs your services you will be with my people.”

“Uh, I have a problem…” said Ted.

“Yes…?” said the man in the black suit gritting his teeth enraged.

“See, my Aunt Velma passed away recently and her funeral service is tomorrow morning at nine am… She was really dear to me and I'd like to be back by then.” the Man in the Yellow Hat explained.

“Kid, you definitely ain’t going to be back by then. Like I said, your country needs you. Duty calls and that's what matters." He momentarily stopped. "Hmm… How’d she die anyway?”

“She dropped a bar of Dove soap in the shower and slipped on it… She cracked her skull and was found in a bloodied mess eight days later decomposing in the shower by the neighbors. She lived alone… It was quite sad.”

“Hmm… Sorry for your loss. Now get your scrawny $$$ in my damn car.” said Jed. "I ain't got all damn day."

Ted screamed out his monkey’s name. “George!!! We’re leaving. Come on.”

“Who is George?” asked Jed suspiciously.

The monkey scampered up behind the Man in the Yellow Hat and grabbed his hand trustingly.

“Oook.” said George. He looked up at the man in the yellow hat smiling innocently.

"What is that..." said the government agent in disbelief.

“Ready for a new adventure, George?” asked the Man in the Yellow Hat.

George jumped up and down excited in response while hooting as only monkeys can.

“A monkey? " asked Jed. "You're kidding."

"This is such short notice. I'm afraid I'll have to bring him with me, I don't have time to get anyone to watch him. He's so damn curious, I can't trust to leave him home alone." explained Ted.

"If he trashes my car I’ll freaking kill you.” growled Jed. “Now get in the red Ferrari by the road.”

“A Ferrari? I thought it was safe to assume you were some sort of government person… If you are one then shouldn’t you be driving some sort of shady looking black car with tinted windows like a pedophile? Possibly even one with antennas on the roof?” asked Ted.

“Hell no. I only drive in style, citizen. Besides, people look for mysterious black cars. They stand out. Nobody expects people in secret agencies to go around in sexy sports cars. Now shut up and get in the frigging car!!!” shouted the angry M.I.B agent.

"Can I drive?" asked Ted.

"**** you!" roared Jed, cracking his knuckles.

"Ok! You can drive!!" whimpered the Man in the Yellow Hat. "Oh, by the way we'll need to stop every thirty minutes to use the bathroom. I have irritable bowel syndrome. It's quite a doozy...."

The agent screamed aloud in disgust.

Realizing they were going for a car ride, George scampered past them and hopped in the front seat, bopping his hands crazily against the steering wheel. The car horn went off several times. He shrieked in fear each time before bopping it more and more until the airbag went off. Jed pulled open the driver's door and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. He shoved the ape violently towards the backseat and buckled up. "Stupid thing. Thinks it's human." said the agent.

"That's just George!" said Ted proudly as he got into the vehicle. The ape beat his chest in the backseat, hooting and hollering stupidly.

The Man in the Yellow Hat began spazzing out as Jed pulled out from his driveway. "I'm not buckled up! I'm not buckled up yet! What if we get in a wreck! I'll die! Stop! Stop! I might die!"

"Shut up, *****!" He slapped the hysterical man silly until he finally shut up.

Ted sat there sniffling as George laughed even more.

I seem to remember this! =P I must have read this somewhere before haha. By you I mean.